My boy shared his heart, his feelings, his fears, his dreams with me. Sometimes I take his age and intelligence level for granted. We talked about all sorts of wonderful things. We shared the gospel, we talked about Bible verses, we discussed the plans that God has for him, he shared his vision for preaching and building a church and for telling the people how much Jesus loves him. He told me the story of how Peter became a disciple and I was shocked. He knew more than I did. This boy of mine has such a passion and love for the Bible, for Jesus, for the world. I love his pure innocence, his faith, his desire for all people to know and love Jesus as much as he does. I love his love for God's word and his confidence to share what the Bible says. I learn so much from him and see so many of my faults and imperfections while talking to him and listening to him. It is truly humbling. I found myself confessing and seeking forgiveness for my sins, right there while lying in bed cuddling with my 5 year old.
Then I was choking back the tears. My boy told me how much he loved his family. How much he loved me, his daddy, his sister and his brother. He told me that his family was so precious and that when he was a grown man and a daddy he would still love his family. We talked about him being a Dad and all of the things he was going to teach to his kids and how it was most important to teach them about God and the Bible. He told me that he wants nine kids (I pray that the Lord is equipping a strong wife for him right now); 6 boys and 3 girls. He told me what a great Aunty his sister Genesis was going to be and that Uncle Jude would be a cool Uncle too. He then told me that I was going to be a really good grandmother to his kids. It was so sweet, so pure, so loving and I had to fight back the tears. These moments, these little conversations just melt my heart and make me realize how incredibly blessed I am.
This precious boy has been through a lot this past year. I am so thankful for his resilient, forgiving, loving nature. He had a rough school year where at one point he was in tears and didn't want to go back because he had no friends. My social butterfly who loves everyone, who talks to and can encourage anyone, was constantly being told that "on the friend scale of 0 to 10 he was zero"! For some strange reason the boys in his class had it in their heads that they were only allowed one friend per day and as he was the new kid in town and did not go to the same church as most, nor participated in the same hockey team, he was zero. There is nothing more heart wrenching as a parent to see the look of hurt, dejection and pain in your child's eyes. To see your child's spirit crushed and to watch him try and keep those tears from falling. We went to the teachers, John spoke with some of the kids, but right to the very last day of school he had to put up with being told that 'you are not my friend today' and watch as the kids refused to sit by him. You know, we as his parents handled it worse than he did. This little boy prayed every night for his 'so called' friends and thought that if he could just go to their place and arrange a play date they would be his friends.
We, however, witnessed him doing things that he would never do just to get attention. I watched as he would try all sorts of shenanigans to get kids to take notice of him and guess what, he usually landed himself in trouble. I never dreamt that I would have to deal with these issues in Kindergarten. That I would have to have talks with him about what true friendships are. That I would have to tell him that you can't force people to be your friends (I mean I deal with that, but he shouldn't have too). That I would have to sit him down and tell him to stop doing these things to get their attention. True friends will want to play with you, talk with you, pray for you, take time for you and not expect you to do silly things in order to take notice of you. The saving grace this past year, was his incredible teachers. They understood him, loved him, saw his unique enthusiastic character. They encouraged him and they just loved him. They saw how incredible his heart was, how much he loved Jesus and how much he loved his classmates. They also had talks with the class every single day about being friends with everyone, but it obviously did little.
We have moved and are consequently trying to find him a new school and really pray and figure out what is best for him. He has also had to endure a lot of tests recently and we are going through more to find out what is going on. Nothing serious (we hope), but none the less it will have an impact on his schooling and learning (somewhat). After my conversation with him tonight, I realized how important the heart is. I may stress and worry about how much he will learn, how fast he will learn, whether or not he will be at the top of his class, or the bottom, how academic he will be, whether or not the curriculum is too challenging or not challenging enough, how much time he is spending doing his printing, the constant battle to do some printing, that he can't count to 100 yet, that he is not reading yet, especially novels! I know that this little boy of mine will learn, and he will get through. I also know that I will continue to place more emphasis on developing, nurturing, protecting, and guiding his heart.
The Bible says that you can have all knowledge, faith, and prophetic powers, but if you don't have love, you have nothing (1 Corinthians 13:2). The Bible also says that the greatest commandment is to love God with all of our heart and then to love our neighbour as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Love God first and foremost! I think my boy is well on his way. I pray for his heart and I pray for good, solid, biblical wisdom, I pray for love. I don't care if he is the next Einstein, I care about where is heart is at!
My precious boy, my miracle, oh how you have taught me so much and have made this journey as a parent worth more than gold itself. I pray that we will share many more golden moments like tonight!
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