The right decision!

I am just so proud, yes that Mommy eyes proud! That kind of proud where my mommy eyes are glued on.  Seriously, I think today was a pivotal moment for me, a moment where I realized that we really did make the right decision, the best decision.  No matter what people may think, no matter the stigma that it may or may not bring, I can finally say and say it in the open, that we made the right decision.

My boy came home with his report card today.  He came home with his Kindergarten report card.  Yes I said Kindergarten.  It was all 1's and 2 's, and I am shocked at how far this kid has come!!! Last year was horrible.  We fought constantly with him to do his homework, practice his printing, do his letters and sounds.  I was relentless and I really pushed him, a little too much! I knew though that he just was not ready for Grade 1 and in fact I was the one who brought it up to his teacher.  In the end they showed me how much progress he had made and said that he could go on to Grade one, but they would really be watching him.  Is that what we wanted....him to be watched?  We also did not know where we would be for his Grade one year, so we had a couple of months to make some decisions.

He was also going through numerous tests and we were told to wait for the results from those, before we made our decision.  We got them and it really did help explain a lot.  He has a slight hearing loss (not sure why and we are following it) and thus has been doing some extra speech therapy (more for him to slow down and get everything out that he wants to say---this kid has so much to say---it's exhausting for me sometimes).  With that, we found ourselves miraculously in Airdrie again.  Miraculously because we had to get out of our place in Cochrane (that is a whole other blog in itself---we were just sick and tired of putting up with marijuana, drinking, parties...etc.), but we were not having any luck finding anything.  We basically started looking anywhere by the end, yes even in the not so great areas of Calgary.  We got this place on Tuesday and moved on Friday and it was not even advertised.  Total, total God thing!! Our landlords are amazing too!  However, we then had to find a school for our monkey and make that difficult decision.

Christian schooling has always been a must for us, especially for Zech.  He is so evangelical and everything for him revolves around Jesus.  He told me the other day that he only likes to go to school to learn about Jesus! He would not survive in the public school system with his zealous goal of telling everyone and everything about Christ.  However, money is also an issue as we can not afford the tuition of a private Christian school with our meager 'ministry' wage.  I tried Catholic schools, we were even going to drive him a half hour away to a semi-public Christian School, but everybody was full.  So we went to Airdrie Koinonia Christian School.  Our first meeting with them was really good and we expressed our concerns about him going into Kindergarten.  Well, their cut-off date for accepting kids into Grade one is Sept. 30, so Zech would not make it in.  I am sure that they would have made an exception if we felt he was ready seeing how close his b-day is to the cut-off, but we had an amazing conversation with the resource teacher and principal and felt really confident about our decision to put him in Kindergarten again.  The teachers expressed how important it is to ensure that little boys are ready to go on and that they have the confidence and tools to succeed in school.  I wanted him to be ahead, not always lagging behind or having to 'watch him'. 

However, I haven't told anyone.  I think it had more to do with me and my own personal issues, as Zech would stay in Kindergarten for the rest of his life if he could and he has no problems telling people that. I felt that some how I had failed him, didn't spend enough time with him, should have put him in preschool.  I have really backed off this year.  I don't push him as much as I did last year and he is genuinely interested in learning.  He will come and sit down with me and go through his counting book. He is sounding out words and trying to read all on his own.  He knows all of his sight words.  He has no problems memorizing his Bible verses.  I am proud of how hard he is working and striving to do his best.  I do not care whether or not he is the next Einstein, I only care that he is working hard and trying his absolute best and that he has the tools and confidence to succeed.  We will be going through more testing with him here again soon.  I pray that this is something that he will 'grow' out of and that it is not getting worse.  It does explain why he is so 'loud' though! :o)

So proud of my boy!

One year ago....

My dear Aunt Elaine passed away.  It is hard to believe that it has been a year already! Since I was the one that introduced her to the blog world (which I have been horrible at lately), I thought it was fitting that I dedicate this blog to her. 

She was such an amazingly strong, vivacious woman, who remained so positive right until the end.  Her battle began with discovering she had breast cancer, over coming it and then discovering she had  brain tumours. She was fighting those as well, but then my Uncle and her were in an accident and she was injured bad.  I am still amazed that she fought and hung in there given everything that she had injured in the accident.  However, it was too much and she just could not hold on.

I remember visits with her, long chats, serious chats, and her stories and sense of humour.  She loved to talk, to find out anything and everything she could about everyone.   We really cherished the fact that she was genuinely interested in hearing about us, our lives.  She genuinely understood that we didn't have to have 'everything' to be somebody.  We weren't judged by what we had or didn't have, said or didn't say, believed or didn't believe.  It was ok to be 'us' around her, which is a rarity for us!

So many great memories of her.  Some I know we will never forget and will chuckle at for years to come (Dominican, Kelowna and the pink shorts in the hot tub, lunch at the Uni with her, seeing her right before she went in for surgery after the accident, the list could go on...). 

While I have been horrible at blogging lately, I always knew that when I did blog, she would be one of the firsts reading it and commenting on it.  Her comments were stories in themselves, which I loved because I always learned so much from them.  I loved reading her blogs too and I miss them! 

My dear Aunt, you are missed by so many and have touched so many!

Hello 2013!

Wow, it's 2013! Normally I hate ringing in the New Year.  It seems that the past few years have been hard and filled with twists and turns that I didn't anticipate, so what is the point of making goals, resolutions, making plans, when they never work out the way I (not God) wants them too.  I am usually just so happy that I survived the past year, that is a goal in itself!!

This year, I am hoping will be different.  Every year I have seen, read, followed those people that pick this nice little 'word' that they will focus on.  I have always felt that there are so many little 'words' that I would need (yes, not just want...but need) to focus on and it would quite frankly becomve overwhelming, confusing and impossible to narrow it down to just 'one', so I have never bothered.

This year, however, after a lot of yelling, crying and uttering my complete and utter frustration to God, I think I have narrowed a 'word' down.  It's a miracle, it's weird, but it is all encompassing for so many reasons!  I won't go into my convoluted description as to the why and how I came to choose this word.  Let's just say it seems to fit and in a weird way I think it is perhaps a more 'optimistic' way of looking at 2013.  I need a bit more optimism, so here we go 2013........the year of OPPORTUNITY.

Yes that is my word = OPPORTUNITY

Weird I know, but hey that is the way I roll.  Happy 2013, the year of opportunities!

Don't stress, just Pray!

As I saw my hubby for the 15 minute drive home before he hopped in his car to go to his job, we quickly filled each other in on 'our' respective days, and then he told me about a call I had received and needed to respond to ASAP.  As he left, the last words he said to me were:

"Vanessa, don't stress, just pray!"

My dear hubby knows me far too well!  I love him so incredibly much!

However I did stress and stress and stress some more.  I don't like the person I am, the mother I am, the wife I am when I stress.  Why is it that something so basic and so simple in my Christian walk, is so hard?  Why can't I just stop 'stressing' and hand it over to Him, pray about it, get quiet and really seek Him?  Why don't I trust that He has the best interests of my family in mind and that I don't have to go about this alone?

Some times I think it is because I feel so incredibly alone as I walk this walk and really don't have the community or support to confide in.  However, He should be and is enough. So I will stop stressing and go pray, or at least try to stop stressing while I pray! :o)

If anyone has the secret to this, please let me know........

My secret little dream....

So I am back at work.  Nope, I am not with the government right now, or should I say not yet.  I am working at the big mall really close to us called Cross Iron Mills.  For those of you that don't know or haven't been, you need to check it out.  It is an outlet mall, and it is big.  Not to mention the fact that you can really get some great deals at all of the outlet shops.

I am working at a store called RW & Company.  I have always liked their clothes, but haven't really shopped there too much. Ok,to be honest, I haven't really shopped at all it seems in the past few years.  I have either been pregnant, just had a baby, or trying to lose the baby weight and still am, so I have neglected my wardrobe.  Now, though I can wear some nice, new clothes and get them at a very good discount.

While working retail is hard (and very hard on the feet), I have always secretly wanted to work in a clothing store.  Since being in High School I have had this desire to work in a clothing store.  The ultimate dream would be to go and 'buy' the clothes, especially for RW& Co as their fashions are European inspired and they are now getting in items that are made in Italy or Turkey.  That will not happen anytime soon, but for now.....I feel kind of giddy working here.

I get to dress people up, I get to find clothes for their body type, skin tone, personal style preference.  It just makes me happy! So while I don't have a 'government' job, I am really having fun working here and fulfilling a little dream that I have had since High School (now if only I still had the body I had in High School, it would be a lot easier to 'dress')!  So if you are ever in the mall, make sure you pop in and say 'hi'.  Plus this RW & Co is an outlet store....the only one in AB.  There are some super deals to get your hands on.

Venting after an extremely LONG day....

Sometimes I need to vent! Do you ever feel like that?  Is it just me?  Days like today, I get to the end and think oh I will turn in early and have a good rest.....but I can't sleep.  It is Friday so my hubby is out working at the Center and I honestly like to wait up and hear how everything went, plus I worry a bit about him.  Tonight, however,  I really need to sleep, but can't and it is frustrating!

My little princess got home this morning at 5:30 am.  I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing husband (daddy to my 3 darlings) who does anything and everything for his family.  I don't know what I have done to deserve such an incredible man----thank you LORD!! He drove home early from his work last night because she was not breathing right. Do you know how scary it is when your child is struggling to breathe?  He got home and I had her ready to go right away with him.  Fortunately they got in right away---probably because her oxygen levels were low and she is only 3.  Then the waiting game begins.  They couldn't keep her at Urgent Care, so they transferred her by ambulance to the Children's Hospital.  John also could not ride with her and had to follow the ambulance as she was still on oxygen.  I stayed at home with the boys and tried to get some sleep (yeah like how do you sleep when your child is in the hospital) as we don't really have anyone to contact in case of emergencies such as these. 

So first she has pneumonia, then it isn't.  Then she has a viral infection that has symptoms like Pneumonia.  They finally discharge her and they get home very early this morning after zero sleep.  My poor hubby! They also send a prescription home with 3 separate things scribbled on it, an inhaler with a chamber and some antibiotics.  However, they never told us what to do with any of it.  There was nothing on the bottle of antibiotics telling us how much to give her and how frequent we should give it to her.  So I call the hospital.  I get transferred, then I wait, and wait some more.  The nurse was really good about it, I just was getting tired of waiting and still had a very active 1 year old to chase after.  As it turns out, the bottle of antibiotics was sent with her from Urgent Care and they never should have sent it without the dosage and frequency information (so he was telling me that it was a big no, no).  So I say, fine, I will just toss the antibiotics out and use the prescription that the hospital wrote me.  The nurse says, I can't do that because she needs the antibiotics.  I inquire as to what she needs it for.  He then tells me that they are treating Gigi for two symptoms, first the pneumonia and second asthma.  I then tell him that they told us last night that she did not have pneumonia, to which he responds and says yes she does as we have her blood tests back and her white blood cell count is very high indicating that there is an infection.  I am quite upset by this time as they never told us any of this at the hospital---like nothing! Plus they tell me that I need to go back to Urgent Care and get them to tell me how much of the antibiotic she needs.  Erghh!

I also discovered last night that our furnace is not working....so i make a few calls, pack up Jude, put Gigi back to bed (as by this time she is convinced that she is all better) and head to Urgent Care.  Jude falls asleep (great timing) and then I have to wait for over a half hour as they sort everything out.  They call the hospital have her records sent over, can't understand what the doctor wrote on her chart, call back to confirm, but it is busy for a while, and then they finally get through.  So I finally get everything sorted and get home.  I am asking myself what the heck just happened?  This is our medical system?  This is the health of my baby girl and it was the most frustrating process I have ever been through.  I feel like we are just numbers on an assembly line! I was so angry.  They also prescribed her three different types of 'steroids'.  I am thinking, good grief she is 3 years old and they are pumping her full of steroids?  Why?  They didn't even take the time to explain her diagnosis, what was going on!  Am I the only one who wants to know this stuff?  Would you not want to know what the doctors diagnosed your child with?

I also called our Homeopath and emailed our practitioner who we usually see.  She got back to me right away----and gave me some options.  Here's the clincher, we have no benefits right now, and so these prescriptions are pricey, and we are also not covered for Homeopathic medicine either (it's the consults that add up, the remedies are very cheap).  So what do we do?  Which route do we take?  I know which one I would prefer. 

You see one of the first questions they ask you is whether or not she is up to date with her vaccinations.  We don't vaccinate our kids through the health system, we do homeoprophylaxis, which is a homeopathic vaccination.  So she has all of the protection that she would get through the 'vaccination' schedule.  It is not illegal to do this, but the way you are treated it is like it is.  Suddenly, it is our fault that she is sick because we didn't chose to do 'their' vaccinations.  Even though the girl who is vaccinated is still getting pneumonia and being treated for the same symptoms.  That doesn't matter though.  They spent more time asking about her vaccinations than they did about what her symptoms were.  What is wrong with our medical system?  I feel like nobody wants to get to the root cause, they just want the quick band-aid (you know the quick fix) and let's move her on down the line so we can get to the next number, I mean patient. 

So frustrating, so, so frustrating.

That is my vent for the night.....I will try and get some sleep now that I have got it off my chest! :o)

Falling off the wagon

I feel as though I have 'fallen off the wagon'.  Ok, I confess, I really have fallen off the wagon...not just feel like I have, I HAVE! I was doing really well, recording all of my many blessings, those 1000 blessings, those 1000 gifts to be thankful for.   Now with 'Thanksgiving' just days away, I am feeling a little guilty.

I still have months of gifts to record on my blog because I am SOOO far behind.  I have a little book that sits beside my bed and I try and record.  It's only three; 3 gifts per day.  That should not be hard, but lately it has been non-existent.  I know that things seemed 'not as bad' when I took the time to be thankful. 

Lately though, I have been so frustrated and angry.  I hate not knowing how things are going to 'pan' out. I hate always wondering, questioning whether we will make it, whether or not God is on our side (even though I really do know the answer).  I also wish that we were never called to be in Ministry.....it is so hard! Really, so hard! I have read books, blogs, articles, I have spoke with many, I mean many people in Ministry and there are some really tough times.  So I should know that this is a time to grow, a time where God is teaching, pruning, picking out all those ugly spots that need to be picked out.  I know that the pruning, the learning, the lessons, will never stop, as long as I am willing and committed to follow God's will, not mine.

For me it is the roller coaster of emotions that I just can't deal with.  One minute we receive news that the funding is not coming in as we expected, the next we have witnessed God come through in a way we never expected and then all of a sudden we have a sick girl who will be transferred to the Children's Hospital tonight.  So one minute I am angry and yelling at God, the next I am praising him and so completely amazed at what just happened and then I am on my knees worried and praying for the health of my little girl.  I must look like a lunatic! And some how I am supposed to 'count'.  I know that I do have so much to be grateful for.  I am so blessed, but it is just so hard sometimes.  I need help getting back on that wagon......I need an extra dose of faith and trust. 

These three right here are worth more than 1000 gifts......they are the reason I am so thankful and have so much to praise Him for.  Not to mention my incredible, amazing husband. I'm getting back on that wagon! :o)

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!