Celebrating 9 Amazing Years!

Today my amazing husband and I celebrate 9 incredible years of marriage.  I am beyond blessed to have such an amazing husband who loves me so deeply and unconditionally.  I was trying to think of what I could say or do for him today to let him know how much I really cherish and value our commitment, our marriage to one another, but some times there are just not the words, or things that can truly reflect it. 

So I decided to interview our kids about our marriage and just marriage in general......this could be good or extremely dangerous! :o)  Something fun and meaningful! Something that we can look back on, hopefully in a good way. ;o)

1.) WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?

Z - It is getting a husband to protect you and to help you with your questions about God or save you from things. 
G - When a husband and wife marry and have children and have a wonderful time with their children. Oh and they have a beautiful heart.
J -  It's me.

2.)  HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY??

Z - God decides.
G - Pray to Jesus to help them have a good, beautiful wife or husband not a mean one.  Someone that loves Jesus too.
J -  It's me and God.

3.)  WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED??

Z - When you are 20 or 21.
G - 18 years old.
J - Me.

4.)  HOW DID MOMMY AND DADDY MEET??

Z - My Dad asked if my Mom believed in God and you Mom said no.  You got along with each other. Dad told you about God and you accepted Jesus into your heart and then somehow you married each other.
G - You got along with each other, then Daddy told you Mom about Jesus.  He got the right answers from Jesus and then when you got along with each other, you married and had children.
J - Ah, said hello.


5.)  WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
 
Z - When you are boyfriend and girlfriend and when you are married.
G - When you are married and you have children.
J - When they are married (because Zech told him to say that).

6.) HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT MOMMY AND DADDY LOVE ONE ANOTHER?

Z - You just kiss each other, hug each other and share a candy with each other for Valentine's Day.
G - You share and you love, you kiss and you marry and you just love each other.
J - Me and hello. (he;s the comedian--or so he thinks)

7.) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE?

Z - Instead of being lonely, God made marriage so that husband and wife could help one another.
G - You give your heart to Jesus and you kiss each other and love each other.  You share with each other too and you give compassion to each other and you have wonderful, beautiful kids who know Jesus.
J - Yes, I like it.

8.) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MOMMY AND DADDY'S MARRIAGE?

Z - It's a big story and you have a different marriage than anybody else. 
Why is it different? Because it is so beautiful and it is a long story.
G - You love one another. I think you are beautiful and you have a handsome husband and daddy has a beautiful wife...you.  You say that you love each other.
J - yes (I asked if we love each other)

9.)  WHAT IS FALLING IN LOVE LIKE?

Z - It's like she looks beautiful to you, but really it is up to God.
G - It's like a beautiful heart in the inside and a wonderful body on the outside.  You have beautiful voices and words.
J - ah, like me.

10.) DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED ONE DAY, IF SO WHY?

Z - Sure, but why, well that is a hard question.
G - Yes, because I want to have a husband and some kids who know Jesus and so that I can preach to my kids and home school them about Jesus. 
J - Ah yes!

Nothing was edited and it was pretty cool to hear their responses! While John and I sure have are good times and our bad times, I think it is safe to say that we do have a pretty solid marriage in the eyes of our kids.  Love these three more than words can say and love that God chose such an amazing father to be an incredible example to them!

Happy 9 years John! Love you more than words can ever say!

2014 Here we come!

A new year, another year gone and a time to reflect on what has transpired and on what we hope for, anticipate and desire to change.  As I said last year at this time I am not much of a New Year ringer inner (yes I know that may not even be the grammatically correct word/phrase).  It has been tough these past few New Years, real tough and as I mentioned last year, I am just so happy to have made it through the year, let alone focus on something to change.

So last year I choose the word 'Opportunity'.  I prayed diligently for Opportunities, yes it was primarily a spiritual thing.  Opportunities primarily for ministry, for our future, to bless people, for us to be healthy, spiritually, physically and mentally.  I prayed for lots of different Opportunities and you know what God did not disappoint.  Of course this can be said with a lot more ease and 'ahem'  gratitude now that the year is over, than when I was in the midst of it.  So cliche, so true isn't it.  It is always easier to look back and see all the amazing things that God has done when you have went through it.....than when you are in the midst of it. 

To recap 2013 in a few simple thoughts......I have learned so incredibly much, I am so incredibly sinful which makes me so utterly dependent on Jesus, ministry and the wickedness in this world is so, so draining and hard, God is still alive and full of miraculous opportunities if you let Him do His work (and not our own). 

I have struggled, we have struggled, we have lived, loved, laughed, cried, lamented.  It is good, it is so good.  I am beyond blessed and I realize this a lot more during these really tough moments.  So thank you Lord for a tough 2013, but a 2013 full of Opportunities beyond our wildest imaginations. 

So here we are 2014 and I have to say that we had an amazing New Year.  John had planned a Youth event out at a lovely families property in Gananoque (about 20 min. outside of Kingston). They have a beautiful house and property and so graciously opened their homes to us all.  While not many 'youth' showed up, we had just the right people to ring the New Year in with.  So much food, fun, fireworks and my favourite part of all was the devotional message and time of worship.  It was beautiful!

If I am also completely honest here (oh confession time), I really did not feel like going.  We didn't get much of a Christmas break, as I didn't take any time off and it just didn't feel like we had time to wind down, so I was not really wanting to go.  However, God totally came through and we really do have a great church family here! My kids even made it until the countdown and had no melt downs.  They were little angels, just sweet little angels who had so much fun!

Now for my hopes, wishes, dreams, prayers for 2014??  Well I came up with a new Phrase (I couldn't just keep it to a word for this one). 

The last part of 2013 I completed a Bible Study called Respectfully Yours.  I have to say that this was such an amazing 'opportunity' for me.  Something I desperately needed for so many reasons.  It was life changing for me personally, and it was marriage changing.  It works, it really works.  The subtitle is  'the secret to power and influence in your marriage'. Now what woman wouldn't be attracted to that?!  Just a little description as to what it is:

We know love best motivates a woman.
But do we know what best motivates a man?
God has designed men and women differently...

Discover the secret that empowers a woman to influence the man in her life. Ephesians 5:33 reveals a truth hidden in plain sight for nearly 2000 years, that a husband is to love and a wife is to respect.
All over the country, as women become acquainted with the Love and Respect message they ask, "Can you help me better understand what respect looks like? How do I actually do this?"

Sometimes when I get a bit 'disrespectful' my hubby will lovingly remind me to read that book again....that is how you know it works...when your hubby asks you to read that book again.  :o)

I am getting to my 2014 phrase the long way....I know, I know bear with me please.  The most influential session of this study was about half way through when we learned about the three R's: Recognize, Replace, Repeat.  It really challenged us to think about what we 'think' about, especially when we are in conflict with our spouse.  We were asked to take note of how we felt, what was happening inside our hearts and what thoughts were going through our heads.  We really had to take every thought captive and hold it against the word of God to renew our minds.  We had to Recognize the lie or negative thought, Replace it with scripture (God's Truth) to disprove the lie and then Repeat that scripture to renew our minds and to help with scripture memorization.  It was one of those light bulb moments for me.  Obviously I am giving you the 'coles' note version here, so get the book, do the study, and watch relationships flourish. 

It was during this session that I had to work through a lot of 'stuff'.  I also came to my phrase through this amazing exercise (see I am getting to it).  A big lie I have struggled with and have had to really work through is how seemingly 'impossible' our situation is.  There are a lot of things that need to change, desperately need to change and I get so overwhelmed just thinking about it.  It causes me to get anxious, afraid, angry.  I have been praying a lot about a particular opportunity and have been researching it for over a year now and nothing, not a thing has happened (did I mention that I am not that patient either....when I want something I want it now).  I would normally push my will, but I have decided that I need to wait on God for this one, as it is huge and will affect every part of our lives.  Not-going-to-push----trying-to-be-patient!.  So during this exercise I realized the lie, the lie that always gets me so out of sorts: our situation is impossible, we are too far gone, nothing can be done, it's our fault. 
 
Do you know what I Replaced it with?

Looking at them, Jesus said, "With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27

...all things are possible with God

and then there was this one

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine..." Ephesians 3:20

So my phrase this year is to:

Expect the Impossible.  

I am excited to see what God will do, how the seemingly impossible situations will be possible with God!! God bless you all in 2014!

Best job in the World!

I read a lot....but not for really for myself, not to escape or for pure enjoyment.  I read for fear of messing up, of not getting things right, and also to educate myself and to make sure I am getting a least a little bit right.  My book shelves are littered with parenting books.  Yes, I said parenting books.  Some we have bought, but to be honest with you most of them we picked up at garage sales for a quarter, and a lot we have received for free.  Do you know what I have learned from them......that the best book to look to when parenting is the BIBLE! Funny isn't it! Not to say that I haven't gained a tonne of insight, knowledge or a touch of wisdom perhaps....however when it comes down to it my three beautiful gifts are from God and He knew them before they were even in my womb (how incredibly amazing is that)! He has a plan for them and He knows every-single-hair on their heads.  So when I find myself in a panic, I am slowly learning to turn to Him who knows them best.

How did this exciting revelation suddenly come about you ask? Ok, ok perhaps you could care less, but I will tell you anyways! ;o)  Homeschooling!!  I have been homeschooling for two months now....2 entire, long, stressful months.

Now perhaps I need to write a disclaimer paragraph here because the minute you say you are 'homeschooling',  people give you this strange look and some get their panties all in a knot. You might as well have told them that you beat your children, feed them kitty litter and lock them in the basement.   Seriously! I do have to say that it is far more 'accepted' in Alberta than it is here (not to mention the funding you get in Alberta--sniff,sniff).  Here I have to be careful as to what I say and do.  There are people that have been reported for 'homeschooling' their kids because you know it is so 'wrong'.  So my kids who love to talk and tell everyone about how much they love homeschooling (bless their little hearts), have had to keep it 'low' profile and yes I told them why! We made the decision to homeschool for various reasons.  It is our decision and it is one that we prayed about.  We have always said that our kids would be homeschooled or be in a Christian school.  That has been our choice, it has been something that God has laid very heavily on our hearts and no I am not saying it is for everyone.  In fact we have decided that we will take it year by year and seek God on it. For now, because of the field of work that we are in, it truly gives our family a lot more stability.

Hmm, to get back to my revelation.  Homeschooling is not easy.  It is especially difficult when you have just moved across the country to a new city, new province, new place, know nobody and have nothing set up in your house.  I thought two weeks would be enough time to wave my wand and get everything magically organized and set up.  Who was I kidding?  My hubby told me to start a month later and go a month into summer. I scoffed and laughed, but guess what, that is one of the many advantages of homeschooling.  I could totally do that, but I didn't.  We have had some really good days, and some really bad days.  Never in my life have I felt so stressed out about a 'job'. Being a parent is the best, most important job in the whole wide world.  It truly is, but it is also the most stressful, exhausting job in the entire world.  Now add homeschooling to that, and because of my perfectionist tendencies (I inherited that from my Mom--thanks Mom-lol) I feel like i am going to die of anxiety, or something.  So I had to hand it over to Him.  You know what, the minute I did, things have been a lot less stressful.  If I am struggling, I just beg God to help me as He knows their needs, their personalities so much better than I do.

I had a pretty good week this week.  We have had some pretty cool conversations and when I have conversations like this it makes my heart swell to the brim and I thank Him for allowing me to have this incredible opportunity.  It has brought us so much closer as a family.  We are learning to love, respect and live with one another every day all day.  We are learning unconditional love right here in our house.  We live it, breathe it and practice it daily.  We learn to help and encourage one another.  I am learning to seek, ask and trust in Him more.  I am forced to my knees a lot more, which is where I should be and is humbling to say the least.  So because I can, let me share a few of our conversations with you.

Jude:

- Mommy I 'wuv' you and Jesus 'wuves' you more.
- I give you kisses (and he kisses me).  I give you kisses on your eyes. I give you kisses on your nose.  I give you kisses on your neck. (I was smothered)!
- No I Jude.  I just Jude! (I told him that he was Mr. grumpy pants the other morning and this was his response.  We now call him different names just to hear him say this.  It is so funny and he is so serious about it!)

Jude is my cuddle bug and he is such a character. I was worried about homeschooling with him and what I was going to do with him.  He is so awesome at playing by himself when I need him too.  However, he comes and sits with us for our phonics.  He walks around singing the ABC's all the time now.  I have to say he does pretty good for a two year old.  Also, when I have the kids working on worksheets, I just plop him down beside them with a box of crayons and he colours away and does 'school' too.  It is so much easier than I thought with him! He is such a funny, easy going, cuddly little boy.

Genesis:

- Mommy, can I ask Jesus into my heart again?

When I told her that she didn't need to and that He already filled her whole heart up her response was:

- I just love Him so much, I want to make sure that He is there and knows that.

Yeah, I melted! I am sure Jesus did too!

She is our little encourager.  She is so positive and sweet and is always, always telling us how much she loves us and 'just loves her family'. She always tells me that I am so pretty, Daddy that he is so handsome and Jude and Zech that they are so handsome too.  She loves to compliment us. She prays for her friends, family and complete strangers.  She opens our morning in prayer every single day and it is awesome. She also watches girly shows with me and cries at the same parts that I cry at!

Zechariah:

- Mom, is God too busy?

Oh this was a great question and we had a great conversation about it.  It totally convicted me about some of my thoughts and perceptions of God! Love how God uses our little ones!

- Lord, please give us money, not for the fancy things, but so that I can get some poor kids to live with us.  Lord that would be better than any toy, more poor kids to live with us.

This was his prayer the other night and wow, what a heart this kid has.  I was amazed.  He has been praying to adopt all of the poor kids for years now.  He has had nights where he would stay up all night to talk to God about this.  I know this is something that God has put on his heart pretty heavy as this boy of mine also really loves his toys and is a tad possessive over them at times.  Pretty cool! I am excited to see what God is going to do with this.  We have thought a lot about adoption and now the pressure is coming from our kids!

- Mom have a great night at Bible study tonight.  I love you so much and I will really miss you.

Melted my heart as we had a few issues during the day and for him to tell me that, well it was pretty sweet.

I had to record these moments, these times.  This is the best job in the world and although we definitely have our struggles and frustrations, I wouldn't trade these moments for anything in the world.  I am so in love with this amazing family God has blessed me with.  What an honour! Thank you Lord!

Continuing on this Journey...

I have wrote this post three times now! THREE TIMES! I am obviously having some technical difficulties.....or it could be the fact that it has been a while since I posted anything here, perhaps I forgot how it all works! lol.  Due to the fact that this is the third time.......it is now the condensed version.  Call me for the full version! Ha.

We are now Easterners.  We have been here in Kingston for almost two months now.  Everything about this move was so completely and utterly orchestrated by God.  It has been incredible to see Him work all of the details out.  It has had me on my knees, in tears, overwhelmed and in awe.  This is where we are supposed to be, and no it won't be easier per say.....Ministry is NEVER easy, but it does have a lot of perks.

John and Zech drove across Canada.  It was to be a father-son bonding time.  I think it is a trip that they will never forget.  It truly was a male bonding trip which is never complete without a belching contest (you should ask them how that turned out....not the way that is was supposed too..lol). I know that even though it was a hard, long trip for John, it truly was a time for those two to bond and spend some special one on one time.  They had a lot of talks (which I knew they would as they both like to talk).

Gigi, Jude and I headed up to the farm and my sister's.  We had a couple of days to spend with them and see a few people before we flew out.  I could not imagine driving across the country with the younger two....hence why we flew.  It wasn't enough time though and we didn't get a chance to say our goodbye's to everyone. 

When we arrived in Toronto, some good friends of ours picked me and the younger ones up and drove us out to Kingston.  Zech and John had spent a night at their place and went on ahead of us.  We arrived at our new place to find a whole team of amazing people here to help us unload.  We were blown away.  We had expected to be up until the wee hours unloading and it was done in a couple.  We were blessed with food, flowers, gift cards, supper.  I was so overwhelmed! What a welcome! It is mind boggling to be at a place where they truly want you there and are excited that you are there. 

Something I also prayed really hard for when we found out that we were moving was for great neighbours.  God has blessed us! We ended up getting a place that was far bigger than what we were looking for (another total God thing) and we have become good friends with our next door neighbours.  They have three kids who are very close in age to our three.  Every day they look for each other, and are quite obsessed with one another.  I ensured them that my kids have been around other kids before! April and I have totally hit it off and have had some good jogs, great dessert night and I am sure there will be many more.  John and Steve can talk metal!  We have been blessed.

It seems that when we change things up in the Gooch household, we go all out! Another huge change is the fact that I am home schooling Zech and Gigi.  I have always wanted to and have always thought about it....but didn't expect to start so soon.  So far things have been going really good.  No, I am not saying that we have not had our 'days', however for the most part we have been doing pretty darn good.  It is a lot different to home school here versus Alberta, however I have connected with a couple of groups and we met an amazing family in particular that we do something with every single week (our kids are the exact same ages).  I am noticing an amazing difference in the dynamic of our family and that is what I wanted.  I notice a huge difference in Zech and his behaviour and attitude.  This is a great, but very difficult journey, one that we will just take a year at a time and rely on God to lead and direct us.  I do love that it gives us stability, as being in Ministry you never know where God will take you.

That is all for now.....this is the condensed version.  We do love Kingston, it is a very pretty little city with so much character, history and charm.  We love to explore and there is so much to explore here! We also love visitors, so if you ever come this way, look us up and stop in!

Genesis at 4 years

As I was backing up some photos this past week, I came across some old videos and pictures of when my Princess was just a year old.  It was so sweet! She was so tiny and full of life and really she hasn't changed much (except for the tiny part).  I can not believe she is 4 years old.  Where did these 4 years go.  I honestly feel like my time with her, my time to watch and enjoy her grow has been a blur.  She just changed and grew so stinkin fast.  I know I will say this every year, but it's true! :o)

I have been trying to  think of ways in which I can record memories, milestones because I such at it lately.  I think I wrote letters a couple years on their birthdays.  Everything is such a blur, but I really want to preserve memories! It is so frustrating to never have enough time in the day.  Blogging has saved my butt quite a bit because I did write some little updates and I never recorded them anywhere else.  I also lost some pictures (yes I bawled my eyes out) of Gigi when she was first born.  Thankfully I did post a few on my blog and that is all I have.  So I decided that I am going to do what I can, and I like the letter writing....so here I go.

Dear Genesis,

Perhaps my line to start everyone of your letters will be:  I can't believe you are 4 years old!!!  It has been quite a year and you have grown and changed so much.  I will have to admit though, I am really glad that we are past the 'three year' mark.  That seemed to be your year of giving us a little run for our money.  None the less, you are an amazing little girl! :o)

You are such a kind, loving, and giving little girl.  You love to share.  You don't even think twice about sharing your treats with the whole family and making sure that everyone got to partake.  I also love how caring and nurturing you are with your little brother.  You truly look after him and are such a little 'mother' to him.  I found myself quite frequently reminding you that I am actually the mother, not you!  I cherish how much you help out and are so eager too.

This year you have another bought of bad asthma/pneumonia.  You seem to get the bronchial infections more readily than your brothers.  You spent a night in the hospital yet again and of course gave us more gray hair! You also got the chicken pox.  I have to say that you handled it quite well and hey, we are all done with them now.

We love that you are so affectionate, that you love to hug, kiss, have cuddles! You give compliments generously and not only do you love to be showered with affection, but you love to shower others with affection.  You have such an amazingly sweet personality!

You are also so grateful.  I was just commenting to your Daddy how thankful you were for your birthday gifts, your special supper and cupcakes.  You just couldn't stop thanking us.  I felt convicted as I realized that I am not thankful enough and need to change that.  You inspire me, us, to do better, to be more thankful, even for the little things!

We put you in swimming lessons and soccer this year.  You loved your swimming lessons and improved dramatically.  You have no fear and you are so determined.  We know that will take you far.  You can't wait to take more lessons and on our family swim night, we could not believe how comfortable you were.  Our little fish!  Soccer is also a highlight of the week for you.  We didn't know how you would make out as you are a little 'shy'.  Your first game blew us away! You were the star and your were so aggressive.  We saw this competitive, confident side of you that we had never seen before.  All we hope and pray for Gigi, is that you will have FUN! Whatever sport, activity, etc., that you decide to pursue we want you to have fun, fun, fun.  Our motto is to give it your all and use the ability that God has blessed you with, never give up and have so much fun, really truly enjoy it!

Fashionista is a word that really describes you.  I love that I have a shopping partner.  You must change your clothes at least 10 times a day.  We finally had to put a rule in place to stop you.  The outfits that you pick out and piece together are really quite good.  You have an eye for fashion.  You also have a thing for shoes.  SCARY!! Thankfully we scored some amazing deals this year to feed that fetish!  I truly look forward to many mother/daughter dates shopping and trying on clothes.  I also love that you are starting to pick up on what dressing modestly and sensibly means.

Of course the highlight of this year was when you accepted Jesus into your heart.  Wow, such an amazing moment for you and for us as your parents to witness!! I pray for you dear Gigi, your father prays for you, every-single-night.  I pray that you will have faith 100 times more than what I do.  I pray that your desire to love, learn and follow Jesus will only grow and strengthen as you get older.  You memorized all of the Bible verses with your brother, you know the Lord's prayer, you pray for other's and have such an amazing heart for the poor.  I loved listening to you say 'grace' today at your party.  You prayed so confidently and purely.  You blessed your friends and family.  I also love that when your brother is having a bad day, you will just stop and pray for him.  Melts my heart. We know that God has an amazing plan for you and that you will do amazing things for his Kingdom!

Our dear Gigi, we love you and pray for you and we are truly honoured to be your parents. It is such a gift, a privileged to watch you grow and see you become the little girl that Jesus wants you to be!


Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Missing my Dad...

It has been 7 years since my Dad passed away.  The day came and went and I kind of forgot! I don't usually forget the date (it was my original due date for Genesis too).  It has been a busy week and busy time...maybe that's why I forgot.  I felt really sad and almost grieved today as I was backing up some photos and looking back.  John asked me if I felt that I had properly grieved the loss of my Dad, but how do you properly grieve.  I mean looking back I guess I felt I had to be strong and I was also fighting to keep my baby alive, so it was a weird roller coaster of emotions. Maybe I didn't grieve properly? Maybe it is ok to look back, reminisce and grieve a little, even 7 years later?

I know that my final moments with him were a gift from God.  Something that I will forever cherish.  He said goodbye to me, clear as day, when he never should have (he was basically unresponsive).  I will never forget John and I praying for him, praying over him and as we finished I walked up to him kissed him and said goodbye.  To our astonishment he said goodbye back.  That was such a God moment!

I felt particularly grieved today though, because I have three beautiful kids that will never get to meet him (we talked a bit about him today too---they ask all sorts of questions).  He loved kids and he was amazing with them.  I know that he would have been an amazing Grandpa and that they would have adored him.  I also know that they have some of his genes.  :o)

I really do Miss You Dad!

Hearts for the Poor.

A couple nights a week I face the supper, homework, Bible reading, Scripture Memorization, Prayer Time and Cuddle time alone, without my hubby.  It is so much easier when we do it as a team, when we are able to partner up and corral them together. 

I have found that the nights when John is away, I have the most break downs.  I am not just talking about the fall on the floor and cry a little because they have to go to bed, or they didn't want to read 'that' story, or somebody wants to say their bible verses first, I am talking about all out melt down, on an epic level, leaving me no choice but to fall on my knees and earnestly pray and seek wisdom from God, right their in that very moment.  I get the most complicated, difficult theological questions, frustrations, laments, breakdowns when John is not around (usually from my oldest).  I usually rely on John to answer those 'hard' questions....not because I don't know them, but because he knows them and is far better at communicating them than I am.  Plus, for many years now when I find myself having those hard questions, being frustrated, etc., I go to John and he just whips out scripture and bam it is all clear and makes sense and I feel stupid because I probably could have just went to God and His Word first, but didn't.  I guess I rely on John a little too much when it comes to 'studying to show myself approved'.  Perhaps this is God's way of teaching me to be confident in sharing the gospel to my kids.

However, there are those nights too when I have some of the funniest, sincerest conversations with the kids.  Tonight was one of those nights and I really thank God for the burden he lays on my kids hearts for the poor.  This is how our conversation went:

Me: Zech, could you please put your crayons and drawings away because it is supper time now.

Zech: Ok, Mom, but I just need to finish up this last picture.  It's for the poor kids you know.

Me: That is great my dear, you can finish up after supper.

Zech:  On June 8th, Mom, that is when it is going to happen.

Me: On June 8th, what will happen?

Zech:  We are going to get in our car and go get all the poor people and bring them here to live with us.

Me:  We will need a pretty big car and house.

Zech: God will help us.

(I can't argue with that)

A couple hours later.......

Me:  Zech, can you stop colouring and finish your prayers.  You are talking to Jesus.

Zech:  Yes, but I have to finish this drawing.  It is for the poor. I will sell it and give the money to the poor and to Jesus too....

Mom, why don't all of the Christians want to help the poor?  It's not fair that we help some of the poor, because the ones that don't get help will feel bad and sad.  We need to help them all.

Me:  Well, we will do as much as we can, but we also have to pray that Jesus will lay it on other people's hearts to help them too.  There are a lot of poor to fit in our car and our house. :o)

Zech:  Yeah, I will keep drawing and I will pray.  On June 8th Mom, we can go and get them. 

(I have no idea why he picked June 8th, by the way)


He totally cracks me up! I love that such issues seem so simple to him, because it reminds me to have faith like him.  It reminds me "that all things are possible with God".  It is exciting to see how God is going to use him. 

Oh my neglected little blog...

I wish I had more time,
I wish I didn't always feel so tired,
I wish that I could write the blog posts that go through my head (they seem really good),
I wish that this blog of mine was a reflection of what I really want it to be,
I wish that I could read, follow and post comments on other blogs and interact with other bloggers again more (forgive me please),
I wish that this blog was not so NEGLECTED.

It is neglected, and I just don't have the time or energy to do anything about it.   Hopefully soon I can catch up, but for now I ask for forgiveness, for blogging forgiveness.

I do have some pictures, posts and of course updates (remember that word of mine---'opportunity') to put on here.  Mainly for my own personal record, but who knows maybe somebody will get something out of it too! :o)

Hope you all had a wonderful, blessed Easter.  We did and have some pictures to share too.

We survived!

Wow, what a few weeks we have had and I am so happy to report that it is over and that we survived!! Please dear Lord, help us to never have to go through this again?!?!

Talk about emotional roller coasters.....celebrating 8 years, to wondering whether or not we were losing our baby!

We had a great time celebrating our anniversary even though John worked late.  I love hanging out with my best friend in the whole wide world.  We have had some incredible talks, prayers, laughs, lately! God has blessed me so incredibly much with this amazing man I call my hubby!

So Wednesday was a bit of a blur.  We were tired from staying up too late the night before (totally worth it).  The older two kids had swimming lessons bright and early and then I had to rush to work.  Jude woke up with this rash on his face and torso, but we said that we would really watch it before we took him in.  We did, and it progressed.  After John dropped me off, he took Jude to the doctor.  The doctor diagnosed it as an allergic reaction to the Penicillin he was on and after checking his ears to see if there was still an infection lingering, promptly told us to stop the antibiotics.  He then gave a prescription for a steroid and some antihistamines.   That was day one.....

By Thursday (day two), things were not getting any better.  We had a horrible night on Wednesday and we got desperate and went back to the Pharmacist to see if we could give him Benadryl too and what the acceptable dosage was.  Thursday night was horrible and he just cried and cried.  He could not sleep, not settle and just wanted to be right on top of me.  I barely had any sleep.

I went to work on Friday and he looked horrible!  John went to our Homeopath to see what they could suggest and they gave him a cleanse for his liver.  John brought the kids home and put Jude down and tried to catch a nap himself.  All of a sudden, Jude woke up screaming! John went to him and could not console him.  He then gave him a bath, as he would not stop scratching.  John brought him out of the bath and his skin turned this bluish/purple hue and Jude was shaking uncontrollably and would not stop screaming.

Long story short, I left work and we rushed him into the hospital.  We thought we were losing him.  He wouldn't stop shaking, his skin was a blue hue and he was so tired he would kind of go in and out of consciousness.

When we finally get to the hospital, he was more alert, but he was in a lot of pain and would not stop scratching.  So we get him admitted and then we wait, and we wait.  We waited 5 hours with a screaming, child who looked horrible, so horrible that a lot of people would not stop staring.  John went up and started asking questions.  Why is it that when you question how long it is taking, you are suddenly the bad guy?  You know, like somehow waiting for 5 hours is acceptable and should be acceptable with a screaming, inconsolable child.  We finally got them to give him some more Benadryl (which did absolutely nothing), but we could not stop him from scratching and crying and bleeding from scratching so much.

We finally get in to see the doctor and they diagnosed him with Erythema Multiforme (say what?).  Apparently it is common, but they don't know the cause (it could be an allergic reaction to the atibiotics or a reaction to a cold virus) and there is nothing they can do for it. The antihistamines didn't work as it wasn't an antihistamine reaction.  It also takes 7 to 10 days to pass and it may disappear and then come back again.  So home we went with a name, but nothing to help our poor little Jude.

We did a whole bunch of research on the net about it.  Found some natural ways we could deal with the itchiness and kept pumping him full of the homeopathic cleanse.  We had no sleep that night either.  This rash apparently can either be mildly itchy, or in his case extremely itchy.  It also causes the skin to tighten (hence the reason he was in so much pain) and it also affects the circulation.  His skin would feel like it was on fire, but he would be shaking because he was so cold.  The blueish/purplish hue was due to the lack of circulation and seemed to occur when he got out of the bath tub, or when we stripped him down. 

We got on our knees and boy did we pray.  I looked at John at one point and cried that I could not do this for another 7 days!! We were exhausted and there is nothing more painful and heart wrenching than seeing your child in agony and knowing that you can't do a thing about it.  Ahhh!

We had quite a few people praying alongside us and Saturday morning we saw some relief.  It had cleared up quite a bit on his torso, but his poor little legs looked like sausages.  They were so swollen, tight and itchy.  We also bought some aloe vera and that really seemed to help.  Plus we kept the homeopathic cleanse up, and we were on our knees in desperation, praying!

Sunday, was remarkable.  It was almost like we could see the rash disappearing.  The rash was moving down his body.  He was still itchy and his little calves and feet were super swollen, tight and hot, but his face and torso were completely clear.  Our little Jude was coming back, and that evening he was ready for action..... 

Monday I went into work and he had almost completely cleared up (just the feet were swollen).   Tuesday I had off and he was clear, but still super fussy and cranky.  We have found that over these past few days since last Wednesday he has had a few bouts of 'hives' and itchiness come and go.  Finally last night we had a pretty decent sleep.  We have been racking our brain trying to figure out if he is allergic to something, or if it is still part of this cold virus.  This cold virus is a nasty one and it has been reported that it can take up to 6 weeks to get rid of.  During this time I also fell sick again because I am so run down with my lack of sleep.

We survived though, and I guess it has made us stronger! ;o)  It has been a horrible, horrible almost 6 months of illness in this household and we just need a break.  Thanks to all of our friends and family who kept us in prayer.  Thanks for the cookies, meals, and words of encouragement from some pretty amazing people!!  Praise God that it cleared a lot sooner than we thought!!

Eight Years!!!

I can't believe that it has been eight years since I married the man of my dreams! Time has flown, but in such an amazing way! I knew after a year of dating that he was going to be my partner for life, it just took him a little longer to 'pop' the question, but it was worth the wait! ;o)

We are celebrating apart tonight (again)! However, it is for good reasons as he ministers to the Youth Group tonight.  I love that he is so dedicated to serving God and is doing what God has called him to do. God has gifted him in so many ways and this is just one of them.  We did however celebrate last night with some amazing Mexican Food.  If you ever get a chance to try Costa Vida, it is awesome! Yes the first Costa Vida in Canada is right here in Airdrie.  Everything is homemade, the salsa, tortillas, guacamole! Delish!

There are so many things I can share about this wonderful man I am married to, but as I was out and about with the kids today I found this card that was perfect.  I hate buying cards, as $6 seems ridiculous to spend, but I had to get this one (and no it wasn't the $6 card, but still darn close).  I think it sums up perfectly what I think and feel about my amazing husband.  I thank God for him EVERY- SINGLE- DAY! I thank God that he is so dedicated and committed to serving Him, taking care of his wife and family and always, always putting us before his own needs.  Some days the love I feel for him brings tears to my eyes, I am just so incredibly blessed! Ok, now for the card........

My Husband
is a man of character
who understands commitment
and does more than his share 
to make his family comfortable,
safe, and secure.
I adore him.

My partner
is a man who is patient, 
optimistic (in a realistic way--hee), caring, and wise.
His sense of humour and support 
hold me up when I can't
do it myself.
I'm grateful for him.

My friend 
is the only man
with whom I can share
my deepest secrets
and know they'll be safe.
Time with him is always good.
I cherish him.

You (John) are all of those things
and more to me.
I'm so thankful you came into my world,
for if you hadn't, I'm sure
I never would have known the kind of happiness 
you've brought into my life.
I love you.

Happy Anniversary!

Thanks for being such an amazing husband John!! Can't wait to see what God has in store for us in the many years that lie ahead!

Another Amazing Day!!

Three years ago we celebrated an Amazing Day with Zechariah and now we celebrate with Genesis!

I am still in shock!! She has been asking a lot of questions lately, especially to John about 'having Jesus in her heart'.  John told me a while back that he thought he may have to sit her down and explain it and have the conversation with her as she kept bringing it up, totally on her own, unprompted by any of us.  Of course I am always concerned about their age and whether or not they understand what it means to ask Jesus into their hearts.  I don't know why, as Zechariah clearly remembers and knows exactly what it means.

Yesterday, while they were eating lunch Gigi announced to John that she had asked Jesus into her heart.  He looked at her and said in shock, "you did....when and where?".  She responded that she had  in the bathroom (nice place to do it, but that is where she apparently does her best thinking and makes the best decisions----kind of like her Daddy--hee:o).  He asked her if she wanted to say the prayer together with him and she did.  So amazing!!!

I guess she asked John in the car a few days ago about asking Jesus into her heart and he asked her if she wanted to do it now.  She responded 'no', she would do it tomorrow.  Totally shows her personality.  She is a thinker, but she is extremely independent and will do things when she is good and ready.  Also shows that this is a decision that she has to make, that it is not forced by us.  I get so frustrated when I hear comments about us shoving our beliefs down people's throats and especially down our children's throats.  I will do everything possible to raise my children according to God's Word, but in the end it is 100% their decision as to whether or not they accept it and choose to live their lives for Jesus.  I just pray every single night that the Lord will have a whole heck of a lot of Mercy and Grace on John and I as we try and succeed at the most important job we could ever have---being Christian parents.  I fail miserably, especially lately when my patience is non-existent and my temper is quick and strong.  That is why I feel so incredibly blessed and thankful that my kids have such a yearning and desire at such a young age to follow Jesus.  I know I will have to pray even harder for them now!

We spent the night cuddling and talking.  As I mentioned I still worry as to whether or not they understand and know what they are doing, so I asked all sorts of questions.  Her answers amazed me and put my worries to rest.  We talked about the Bible verse we are currently memorizing from
1 John 3:16 - "Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions".  I asked what sort of things we could do that showed Jesus' love through us.  Genesis broke down in tears as she told me about the poor kids and how they have nothing to eat and sleep in the dirt.  She has a real heart for the poor and I pray that God will guard her heart and use her to help the poor that I know she feels burdened for.  It was such a precious moment.  She was trying so hard to hold the tears in and then she just looks at me and says "Mommy, my heart is so broken, it is just so broken for the poor"!  Such an amazing moment to share with my incredible gifts from God.  I am beyond bless! Days like these are absolutely priceless!

So today, we celebrated exactly like we did when Zech asked Jesus into his heart.  We bought special cupcakes, balloons (one for her to keep and one to send up to the angels and Jesus in heaven who are having a party right now), and she gets to pick out a special new book (of course a Gigi, God's little princess book is what she wants).  I sat with her and wrote special messages on her balloons.  It was pretty cute what she told me to put!  I think the pictures will tell the story.

I also felt so humbled and proud as to how Zech was so excited for her and just kept praying and thanking God that she asked Jesus into her heart.  I pray that these kids will always be close and can pray for one another in the years that lie ahead.  I pray that we are a close, praying, Christ centered family that can openly pray, talk and love each other daily!  I pray that we will not let our differences separate us, break us apart, but instead through Christ and his love for us, we will be open and loving with one another. 

My heart is full of happiness, so incredibly full right now!   Please keep my beautiful girl in your prayers, God is so incredibly good!

The right decision!

I am just so proud, yes that Mommy eyes proud! That kind of proud where my mommy eyes are glued on.  Seriously, I think today was a pivotal moment for me, a moment where I realized that we really did make the right decision, the best decision.  No matter what people may think, no matter the stigma that it may or may not bring, I can finally say and say it in the open, that we made the right decision.

My boy came home with his report card today.  He came home with his Kindergarten report card.  Yes I said Kindergarten.  It was all 1's and 2 's, and I am shocked at how far this kid has come!!! Last year was horrible.  We fought constantly with him to do his homework, practice his printing, do his letters and sounds.  I was relentless and I really pushed him, a little too much! I knew though that he just was not ready for Grade 1 and in fact I was the one who brought it up to his teacher.  In the end they showed me how much progress he had made and said that he could go on to Grade one, but they would really be watching him.  Is that what we wanted....him to be watched?  We also did not know where we would be for his Grade one year, so we had a couple of months to make some decisions.

He was also going through numerous tests and we were told to wait for the results from those, before we made our decision.  We got them and it really did help explain a lot.  He has a slight hearing loss (not sure why and we are following it) and thus has been doing some extra speech therapy (more for him to slow down and get everything out that he wants to say---this kid has so much to say---it's exhausting for me sometimes).  With that, we found ourselves miraculously in Airdrie again.  Miraculously because we had to get out of our place in Cochrane (that is a whole other blog in itself---we were just sick and tired of putting up with marijuana, drinking, parties...etc.), but we were not having any luck finding anything.  We basically started looking anywhere by the end, yes even in the not so great areas of Calgary.  We got this place on Tuesday and moved on Friday and it was not even advertised.  Total, total God thing!! Our landlords are amazing too!  However, we then had to find a school for our monkey and make that difficult decision.

Christian schooling has always been a must for us, especially for Zech.  He is so evangelical and everything for him revolves around Jesus.  He told me the other day that he only likes to go to school to learn about Jesus! He would not survive in the public school system with his zealous goal of telling everyone and everything about Christ.  However, money is also an issue as we can not afford the tuition of a private Christian school with our meager 'ministry' wage.  I tried Catholic schools, we were even going to drive him a half hour away to a semi-public Christian School, but everybody was full.  So we went to Airdrie Koinonia Christian School.  Our first meeting with them was really good and we expressed our concerns about him going into Kindergarten.  Well, their cut-off date for accepting kids into Grade one is Sept. 30, so Zech would not make it in.  I am sure that they would have made an exception if we felt he was ready seeing how close his b-day is to the cut-off, but we had an amazing conversation with the resource teacher and principal and felt really confident about our decision to put him in Kindergarten again.  The teachers expressed how important it is to ensure that little boys are ready to go on and that they have the confidence and tools to succeed in school.  I wanted him to be ahead, not always lagging behind or having to 'watch him'. 

However, I haven't told anyone.  I think it had more to do with me and my own personal issues, as Zech would stay in Kindergarten for the rest of his life if he could and he has no problems telling people that. I felt that some how I had failed him, didn't spend enough time with him, should have put him in preschool.  I have really backed off this year.  I don't push him as much as I did last year and he is genuinely interested in learning.  He will come and sit down with me and go through his counting book. He is sounding out words and trying to read all on his own.  He knows all of his sight words.  He has no problems memorizing his Bible verses.  I am proud of how hard he is working and striving to do his best.  I do not care whether or not he is the next Einstein, I only care that he is working hard and trying his absolute best and that he has the tools and confidence to succeed.  We will be going through more testing with him here again soon.  I pray that this is something that he will 'grow' out of and that it is not getting worse.  It does explain why he is so 'loud' though! :o)

So proud of my boy!

One year ago....

My dear Aunt Elaine passed away.  It is hard to believe that it has been a year already! Since I was the one that introduced her to the blog world (which I have been horrible at lately), I thought it was fitting that I dedicate this blog to her. 

She was such an amazingly strong, vivacious woman, who remained so positive right until the end.  Her battle began with discovering she had breast cancer, over coming it and then discovering she had  brain tumours. She was fighting those as well, but then my Uncle and her were in an accident and she was injured bad.  I am still amazed that she fought and hung in there given everything that she had injured in the accident.  However, it was too much and she just could not hold on.

I remember visits with her, long chats, serious chats, and her stories and sense of humour.  She loved to talk, to find out anything and everything she could about everyone.   We really cherished the fact that she was genuinely interested in hearing about us, our lives.  She genuinely understood that we didn't have to have 'everything' to be somebody.  We weren't judged by what we had or didn't have, said or didn't say, believed or didn't believe.  It was ok to be 'us' around her, which is a rarity for us!

So many great memories of her.  Some I know we will never forget and will chuckle at for years to come (Dominican, Kelowna and the pink shorts in the hot tub, lunch at the Uni with her, seeing her right before she went in for surgery after the accident, the list could go on...). 

While I have been horrible at blogging lately, I always knew that when I did blog, she would be one of the firsts reading it and commenting on it.  Her comments were stories in themselves, which I loved because I always learned so much from them.  I loved reading her blogs too and I miss them! 

My dear Aunt, you are missed by so many and have touched so many!

Hello 2013!

Wow, it's 2013! Normally I hate ringing in the New Year.  It seems that the past few years have been hard and filled with twists and turns that I didn't anticipate, so what is the point of making goals, resolutions, making plans, when they never work out the way I (not God) wants them too.  I am usually just so happy that I survived the past year, that is a goal in itself!!

This year, I am hoping will be different.  Every year I have seen, read, followed those people that pick this nice little 'word' that they will focus on.  I have always felt that there are so many little 'words' that I would need (yes, not just want...but need) to focus on and it would quite frankly becomve overwhelming, confusing and impossible to narrow it down to just 'one', so I have never bothered.

This year, however, after a lot of yelling, crying and uttering my complete and utter frustration to God, I think I have narrowed a 'word' down.  It's a miracle, it's weird, but it is all encompassing for so many reasons!  I won't go into my convoluted description as to the why and how I came to choose this word.  Let's just say it seems to fit and in a weird way I think it is perhaps a more 'optimistic' way of looking at 2013.  I need a bit more optimism, so here we go 2013........the year of OPPORTUNITY.

Yes that is my word = OPPORTUNITY

Weird I know, but hey that is the way I roll.  Happy 2013, the year of opportunities!

Don't stress, just Pray!

As I saw my hubby for the 15 minute drive home before he hopped in his car to go to his job, we quickly filled each other in on 'our' respective days, and then he told me about a call I had received and needed to respond to ASAP.  As he left, the last words he said to me were:

"Vanessa, don't stress, just pray!"

My dear hubby knows me far too well!  I love him so incredibly much!

However I did stress and stress and stress some more.  I don't like the person I am, the mother I am, the wife I am when I stress.  Why is it that something so basic and so simple in my Christian walk, is so hard?  Why can't I just stop 'stressing' and hand it over to Him, pray about it, get quiet and really seek Him?  Why don't I trust that He has the best interests of my family in mind and that I don't have to go about this alone?

Some times I think it is because I feel so incredibly alone as I walk this walk and really don't have the community or support to confide in.  However, He should be and is enough. So I will stop stressing and go pray, or at least try to stop stressing while I pray! :o)

If anyone has the secret to this, please let me know........

My secret little dream....

So I am back at work.  Nope, I am not with the government right now, or should I say not yet.  I am working at the big mall really close to us called Cross Iron Mills.  For those of you that don't know or haven't been, you need to check it out.  It is an outlet mall, and it is big.  Not to mention the fact that you can really get some great deals at all of the outlet shops.

I am working at a store called RW & Company.  I have always liked their clothes, but haven't really shopped there too much. Ok,to be honest, I haven't really shopped at all it seems in the past few years.  I have either been pregnant, just had a baby, or trying to lose the baby weight and still am, so I have neglected my wardrobe.  Now, though I can wear some nice, new clothes and get them at a very good discount.

While working retail is hard (and very hard on the feet), I have always secretly wanted to work in a clothing store.  Since being in High School I have had this desire to work in a clothing store.  The ultimate dream would be to go and 'buy' the clothes, especially for RW& Co as their fashions are European inspired and they are now getting in items that are made in Italy or Turkey.  That will not happen anytime soon, but for now.....I feel kind of giddy working here.

I get to dress people up, I get to find clothes for their body type, skin tone, personal style preference.  It just makes me happy! So while I don't have a 'government' job, I am really having fun working here and fulfilling a little dream that I have had since High School (now if only I still had the body I had in High School, it would be a lot easier to 'dress')!  So if you are ever in the mall, make sure you pop in and say 'hi'.  Plus this RW & Co is an outlet store....the only one in AB.  There are some super deals to get your hands on.

Venting after an extremely LONG day....

Sometimes I need to vent! Do you ever feel like that?  Is it just me?  Days like today, I get to the end and think oh I will turn in early and have a good rest.....but I can't sleep.  It is Friday so my hubby is out working at the Center and I honestly like to wait up and hear how everything went, plus I worry a bit about him.  Tonight, however,  I really need to sleep, but can't and it is frustrating!

My little princess got home this morning at 5:30 am.  I am so incredibly blessed to have such an amazing husband (daddy to my 3 darlings) who does anything and everything for his family.  I don't know what I have done to deserve such an incredible man----thank you LORD!! He drove home early from his work last night because she was not breathing right. Do you know how scary it is when your child is struggling to breathe?  He got home and I had her ready to go right away with him.  Fortunately they got in right away---probably because her oxygen levels were low and she is only 3.  Then the waiting game begins.  They couldn't keep her at Urgent Care, so they transferred her by ambulance to the Children's Hospital.  John also could not ride with her and had to follow the ambulance as she was still on oxygen.  I stayed at home with the boys and tried to get some sleep (yeah like how do you sleep when your child is in the hospital) as we don't really have anyone to contact in case of emergencies such as these. 

So first she has pneumonia, then it isn't.  Then she has a viral infection that has symptoms like Pneumonia.  They finally discharge her and they get home very early this morning after zero sleep.  My poor hubby! They also send a prescription home with 3 separate things scribbled on it, an inhaler with a chamber and some antibiotics.  However, they never told us what to do with any of it.  There was nothing on the bottle of antibiotics telling us how much to give her and how frequent we should give it to her.  So I call the hospital.  I get transferred, then I wait, and wait some more.  The nurse was really good about it, I just was getting tired of waiting and still had a very active 1 year old to chase after.  As it turns out, the bottle of antibiotics was sent with her from Urgent Care and they never should have sent it without the dosage and frequency information (so he was telling me that it was a big no, no).  So I say, fine, I will just toss the antibiotics out and use the prescription that the hospital wrote me.  The nurse says, I can't do that because she needs the antibiotics.  I inquire as to what she needs it for.  He then tells me that they are treating Gigi for two symptoms, first the pneumonia and second asthma.  I then tell him that they told us last night that she did not have pneumonia, to which he responds and says yes she does as we have her blood tests back and her white blood cell count is very high indicating that there is an infection.  I am quite upset by this time as they never told us any of this at the hospital---like nothing! Plus they tell me that I need to go back to Urgent Care and get them to tell me how much of the antibiotic she needs.  Erghh!

I also discovered last night that our furnace is not working....so i make a few calls, pack up Jude, put Gigi back to bed (as by this time she is convinced that she is all better) and head to Urgent Care.  Jude falls asleep (great timing) and then I have to wait for over a half hour as they sort everything out.  They call the hospital have her records sent over, can't understand what the doctor wrote on her chart, call back to confirm, but it is busy for a while, and then they finally get through.  So I finally get everything sorted and get home.  I am asking myself what the heck just happened?  This is our medical system?  This is the health of my baby girl and it was the most frustrating process I have ever been through.  I feel like we are just numbers on an assembly line! I was so angry.  They also prescribed her three different types of 'steroids'.  I am thinking, good grief she is 3 years old and they are pumping her full of steroids?  Why?  They didn't even take the time to explain her diagnosis, what was going on!  Am I the only one who wants to know this stuff?  Would you not want to know what the doctors diagnosed your child with?

I also called our Homeopath and emailed our practitioner who we usually see.  She got back to me right away----and gave me some options.  Here's the clincher, we have no benefits right now, and so these prescriptions are pricey, and we are also not covered for Homeopathic medicine either (it's the consults that add up, the remedies are very cheap).  So what do we do?  Which route do we take?  I know which one I would prefer. 

You see one of the first questions they ask you is whether or not she is up to date with her vaccinations.  We don't vaccinate our kids through the health system, we do homeoprophylaxis, which is a homeopathic vaccination.  So she has all of the protection that she would get through the 'vaccination' schedule.  It is not illegal to do this, but the way you are treated it is like it is.  Suddenly, it is our fault that she is sick because we didn't chose to do 'their' vaccinations.  Even though the girl who is vaccinated is still getting pneumonia and being treated for the same symptoms.  That doesn't matter though.  They spent more time asking about her vaccinations than they did about what her symptoms were.  What is wrong with our medical system?  I feel like nobody wants to get to the root cause, they just want the quick band-aid (you know the quick fix) and let's move her on down the line so we can get to the next number, I mean patient. 

So frustrating, so, so frustrating.

That is my vent for the night.....I will try and get some sleep now that I have got it off my chest! :o)

Falling off the wagon

I feel as though I have 'fallen off the wagon'.  Ok, I confess, I really have fallen off the wagon...not just feel like I have, I HAVE! I was doing really well, recording all of my many blessings, those 1000 blessings, those 1000 gifts to be thankful for.   Now with 'Thanksgiving' just days away, I am feeling a little guilty.

I still have months of gifts to record on my blog because I am SOOO far behind.  I have a little book that sits beside my bed and I try and record.  It's only three; 3 gifts per day.  That should not be hard, but lately it has been non-existent.  I know that things seemed 'not as bad' when I took the time to be thankful. 

Lately though, I have been so frustrated and angry.  I hate not knowing how things are going to 'pan' out. I hate always wondering, questioning whether we will make it, whether or not God is on our side (even though I really do know the answer).  I also wish that we were never called to be in Ministry.....it is so hard! Really, so hard! I have read books, blogs, articles, I have spoke with many, I mean many people in Ministry and there are some really tough times.  So I should know that this is a time to grow, a time where God is teaching, pruning, picking out all those ugly spots that need to be picked out.  I know that the pruning, the learning, the lessons, will never stop, as long as I am willing and committed to follow God's will, not mine.

For me it is the roller coaster of emotions that I just can't deal with.  One minute we receive news that the funding is not coming in as we expected, the next we have witnessed God come through in a way we never expected and then all of a sudden we have a sick girl who will be transferred to the Children's Hospital tonight.  So one minute I am angry and yelling at God, the next I am praising him and so completely amazed at what just happened and then I am on my knees worried and praying for the health of my little girl.  I must look like a lunatic! And some how I am supposed to 'count'.  I know that I do have so much to be grateful for.  I am so blessed, but it is just so hard sometimes.  I need help getting back on that wagon......I need an extra dose of faith and trust. 

These three right here are worth more than 1000 gifts......they are the reason I am so thankful and have so much to praise Him for.  Not to mention my incredible, amazing husband. I'm getting back on that wagon! :o)

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!

Pinned and Tried

Ok, here I am for my second 'pinned and tried'.  I wanted to share some things I did for my little monkey's first bithday, but the camera is out in the van still (don't worry, it is well hidden) and I am not about to run out in my pj's to grab it, so it can wait until next week! :o)

I have to share this awesome shower/bath tub cleaner that I found on Pinterest.  When I lived in Korea, I burnt my lungs out from some pretty strong cleaners I used.  It was horrible! You see in Korea, when you move into a new place, the previous tenants do not have to clean the place before they move (disgusting hey).  So, when my boss got me a bigger place to move into, I was naturally super excited (if you saw my first place you would understand my excitement--it was sooo tiny).  I got my new place just in time for my mom and sister to come and stay.  However, as I mentioned it was not cleaned before I moved in and the previous tenant smoked.  YUCK! I ended up having to bleach EVERYTHING! I actually scrubbed the vinyl floor with bleach.  It got to the point where I was dumping bleach, pure bleach right on the floor.  Not smart on my part, but it got the black, smoke ridden floor back to it's honey brown, new state.  It looked fabulous once I was done.  I have not been able to use strong cleaners or bleach ever since.  I really burnt my lungs out and was sick for a good week after my cleaning episode. 

So fast forward 8 years and three kids later, I don't like to use strong, powerful, chemical ladden cleaners.  The worst thing to clean for me has always been the bath tubs/showers because of all of the soap scum, hard water stains, etc.  Plus when you give your kids baths every other day, you have to clean it often.  I found this cleaner on pinterest and had to try it.  I am hooked.  It works amazing! I just cleaned my bath tub tonight and it is so sparkly and clean.  Plus you barely have to scrub it and I know that I will not wake up sick tomorrow from the smell or chemicals! You really must try this!

Tub and Shower Magic Recipe

12 ounces white vinegar
12 ounces liquid, blue dawn detergent

Directions:

1. Heat vinegar in microwave until hot and pour into squirt bottle.
2. Add the Dawn soap. Put the lid on and gently shake to incorporate.
3. You now have a powerful cleaning product that will melt soap scum and tub and shower buildup, clean sinks, appliances and just about anything. Just spray it on, scrub, rinse and be amazed. For tough soap scum build-up, spray the mixture on and allow it to sit as long as overnight. Then, scrub and rinse.

Pinned and Tried

I have always wanted to make a list of all of the things that I have 'pinned' and actually 'tried'.  I have seen boards on Pinterest that do the same, but maybe if I start a 'Pinned and tried' Friday on my blog, it will force me to blog more, keep on top of this thing, feel like I have something to 'blog' about.  Plus, I pin things and think to myself...I wonder if that really works or if I could actually pull that off, or that is too much work, but it looks nice.  Trust me I have had some awesome successes and some epic failures (which I never took a photo of because I was so mad that i wasted the time, and supplies trying the darn thing and rather than trying to salvage it, I threw it ALL in the garbage). 

My first 'pinned and tried' post is a yummy new recipe that I LOVE.  I am not a pork eater.  It kind of grosses me out and i am always afraid of under cooking it and getting worms! (not presenting a pretty picture here, I know).  Not to mention the fact that I really don't know how to cook it.  However, I can across this blog and have been slowly trying to change how we eat.  I found this recipe for Pork Tenderloin and had all of the ingredients (except the pork) on hand.  I went to the store and bought the pesticide/hormone free pork tenderloin and tried this easy recipe.  It was DELICIOUS! A huge hit.  Even my picky three year old loved it and kept asking for more chicken.  She had no idea what 'pork' was, so I explained.  She had a twisted expression on her face, but asked for more.  I made it again last night and it is now a staple!  Plus I always have leftover rice, meat and veggies, so tonight we had stir fry and it was just as tasty!  Yay, I love finding and trying new, easy, yummy recipes. 

Try it and let me know what you think! Or heck play along and let me know what things you have 'pinned and tried'!

Have a great long weekend! We are off to celebrate a little monkey's 1st birthday!!!

**Recipe and picture taken from 100 Days of Real Food**

On a little side note.  The only thing that I did differently was omitted the cilantro.  I didn't have any on hand and my DH is not a fan of cilantro. 

 Grilled Teriyaki Pork Tenderloin

Yield: 4 – 5 servings (depending on the size of your tenderloin)

Ingredients

• 1-1.5 lbs pork tenderloin, organic and/or local recommended
• ½ cup soy sauce, low-sodium recommended
• ½ cup cilantro, chopped
• 2 tablespoons fresh ginger, peeled and diced
• 2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil
• 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 6 cloves garlic, minced
• 1/4 cup water (optional)

Directions

1. Mix together all marinade ingredients from the soy sauce down to the garlic (including the water if using to help cover the meat).
2. Pour marinade over the pork tenderloin in a fairly small container so the liquid covers the meat. Let it marinate in the fridge for 30 – 60 minutes (the longer the better although if you are really short on time 20 minutes will do the trick). If the marinade doesn’t fully cover the meat then flip the pork halfway through the marinating process.
3. Heat up the grill to a medium-high temperature (we like to spray a little cooking oil first to prevent sticking).
4. Grill the pork for about 10 – 15 minutes on each side or until the internal temperature reaches 150 degrees F.
5. Slice and serve warm with other Asian inspired dishes…enjoy!