Falling off the wagon

I feel as though I have 'fallen off the wagon'.  Ok, I confess, I really have fallen off the wagon...not just feel like I have, I HAVE! I was doing really well, recording all of my many blessings, those 1000 blessings, those 1000 gifts to be thankful for.   Now with 'Thanksgiving' just days away, I am feeling a little guilty.

I still have months of gifts to record on my blog because I am SOOO far behind.  I have a little book that sits beside my bed and I try and record.  It's only three; 3 gifts per day.  That should not be hard, but lately it has been non-existent.  I know that things seemed 'not as bad' when I took the time to be thankful. 

Lately though, I have been so frustrated and angry.  I hate not knowing how things are going to 'pan' out. I hate always wondering, questioning whether we will make it, whether or not God is on our side (even though I really do know the answer).  I also wish that we were never called to be in Ministry.....it is so hard! Really, so hard! I have read books, blogs, articles, I have spoke with many, I mean many people in Ministry and there are some really tough times.  So I should know that this is a time to grow, a time where God is teaching, pruning, picking out all those ugly spots that need to be picked out.  I know that the pruning, the learning, the lessons, will never stop, as long as I am willing and committed to follow God's will, not mine.

For me it is the roller coaster of emotions that I just can't deal with.  One minute we receive news that the funding is not coming in as we expected, the next we have witnessed God come through in a way we never expected and then all of a sudden we have a sick girl who will be transferred to the Children's Hospital tonight.  So one minute I am angry and yelling at God, the next I am praising him and so completely amazed at what just happened and then I am on my knees worried and praying for the health of my little girl.  I must look like a lunatic! And some how I am supposed to 'count'.  I know that I do have so much to be grateful for.  I am so blessed, but it is just so hard sometimes.  I need help getting back on that wagon......I need an extra dose of faith and trust. 

These three right here are worth more than 1000 gifts......they are the reason I am so thankful and have so much to praise Him for.  Not to mention my incredible, amazing husband. I'm getting back on that wagon! :o)

Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving!