Best job in the World!

I read a lot....but not for really for myself, not to escape or for pure enjoyment.  I read for fear of messing up, of not getting things right, and also to educate myself and to make sure I am getting a least a little bit right.  My book shelves are littered with parenting books.  Yes, I said parenting books.  Some we have bought, but to be honest with you most of them we picked up at garage sales for a quarter, and a lot we have received for free.  Do you know what I have learned from them......that the best book to look to when parenting is the BIBLE! Funny isn't it! Not to say that I haven't gained a tonne of insight, knowledge or a touch of wisdom perhaps....however when it comes down to it my three beautiful gifts are from God and He knew them before they were even in my womb (how incredibly amazing is that)! He has a plan for them and He knows every-single-hair on their heads.  So when I find myself in a panic, I am slowly learning to turn to Him who knows them best.

How did this exciting revelation suddenly come about you ask? Ok, ok perhaps you could care less, but I will tell you anyways! ;o)  Homeschooling!!  I have been homeschooling for two months now....2 entire, long, stressful months.

Now perhaps I need to write a disclaimer paragraph here because the minute you say you are 'homeschooling',  people give you this strange look and some get their panties all in a knot. You might as well have told them that you beat your children, feed them kitty litter and lock them in the basement.   Seriously! I do have to say that it is far more 'accepted' in Alberta than it is here (not to mention the funding you get in Alberta--sniff,sniff).  Here I have to be careful as to what I say and do.  There are people that have been reported for 'homeschooling' their kids because you know it is so 'wrong'.  So my kids who love to talk and tell everyone about how much they love homeschooling (bless their little hearts), have had to keep it 'low' profile and yes I told them why! We made the decision to homeschool for various reasons.  It is our decision and it is one that we prayed about.  We have always said that our kids would be homeschooled or be in a Christian school.  That has been our choice, it has been something that God has laid very heavily on our hearts and no I am not saying it is for everyone.  In fact we have decided that we will take it year by year and seek God on it. For now, because of the field of work that we are in, it truly gives our family a lot more stability.

Hmm, to get back to my revelation.  Homeschooling is not easy.  It is especially difficult when you have just moved across the country to a new city, new province, new place, know nobody and have nothing set up in your house.  I thought two weeks would be enough time to wave my wand and get everything magically organized and set up.  Who was I kidding?  My hubby told me to start a month later and go a month into summer. I scoffed and laughed, but guess what, that is one of the many advantages of homeschooling.  I could totally do that, but I didn't.  We have had some really good days, and some really bad days.  Never in my life have I felt so stressed out about a 'job'. Being a parent is the best, most important job in the whole wide world.  It truly is, but it is also the most stressful, exhausting job in the entire world.  Now add homeschooling to that, and because of my perfectionist tendencies (I inherited that from my Mom--thanks Mom-lol) I feel like i am going to die of anxiety, or something.  So I had to hand it over to Him.  You know what, the minute I did, things have been a lot less stressful.  If I am struggling, I just beg God to help me as He knows their needs, their personalities so much better than I do.

I had a pretty good week this week.  We have had some pretty cool conversations and when I have conversations like this it makes my heart swell to the brim and I thank Him for allowing me to have this incredible opportunity.  It has brought us so much closer as a family.  We are learning to love, respect and live with one another every day all day.  We are learning unconditional love right here in our house.  We live it, breathe it and practice it daily.  We learn to help and encourage one another.  I am learning to seek, ask and trust in Him more.  I am forced to my knees a lot more, which is where I should be and is humbling to say the least.  So because I can, let me share a few of our conversations with you.

Jude:

- Mommy I 'wuv' you and Jesus 'wuves' you more.
- I give you kisses (and he kisses me).  I give you kisses on your eyes. I give you kisses on your nose.  I give you kisses on your neck. (I was smothered)!
- No I Jude.  I just Jude! (I told him that he was Mr. grumpy pants the other morning and this was his response.  We now call him different names just to hear him say this.  It is so funny and he is so serious about it!)

Jude is my cuddle bug and he is such a character. I was worried about homeschooling with him and what I was going to do with him.  He is so awesome at playing by himself when I need him too.  However, he comes and sits with us for our phonics.  He walks around singing the ABC's all the time now.  I have to say he does pretty good for a two year old.  Also, when I have the kids working on worksheets, I just plop him down beside them with a box of crayons and he colours away and does 'school' too.  It is so much easier than I thought with him! He is such a funny, easy going, cuddly little boy.

Genesis:

- Mommy, can I ask Jesus into my heart again?

When I told her that she didn't need to and that He already filled her whole heart up her response was:

- I just love Him so much, I want to make sure that He is there and knows that.

Yeah, I melted! I am sure Jesus did too!

She is our little encourager.  She is so positive and sweet and is always, always telling us how much she loves us and 'just loves her family'. She always tells me that I am so pretty, Daddy that he is so handsome and Jude and Zech that they are so handsome too.  She loves to compliment us. She prays for her friends, family and complete strangers.  She opens our morning in prayer every single day and it is awesome. She also watches girly shows with me and cries at the same parts that I cry at!

Zechariah:

- Mom, is God too busy?

Oh this was a great question and we had a great conversation about it.  It totally convicted me about some of my thoughts and perceptions of God! Love how God uses our little ones!

- Lord, please give us money, not for the fancy things, but so that I can get some poor kids to live with us.  Lord that would be better than any toy, more poor kids to live with us.

This was his prayer the other night and wow, what a heart this kid has.  I was amazed.  He has been praying to adopt all of the poor kids for years now.  He has had nights where he would stay up all night to talk to God about this.  I know this is something that God has put on his heart pretty heavy as this boy of mine also really loves his toys and is a tad possessive over them at times.  Pretty cool! I am excited to see what God is going to do with this.  We have thought a lot about adoption and now the pressure is coming from our kids!

- Mom have a great night at Bible study tonight.  I love you so much and I will really miss you.

Melted my heart as we had a few issues during the day and for him to tell me that, well it was pretty sweet.

I had to record these moments, these times.  This is the best job in the world and although we definitely have our struggles and frustrations, I wouldn't trade these moments for anything in the world.  I am so in love with this amazing family God has blessed me with.  What an honour! Thank you Lord!

Continuing on this Journey...

I have wrote this post three times now! THREE TIMES! I am obviously having some technical difficulties.....or it could be the fact that it has been a while since I posted anything here, perhaps I forgot how it all works! lol.  Due to the fact that this is the third time.......it is now the condensed version.  Call me for the full version! Ha.

We are now Easterners.  We have been here in Kingston for almost two months now.  Everything about this move was so completely and utterly orchestrated by God.  It has been incredible to see Him work all of the details out.  It has had me on my knees, in tears, overwhelmed and in awe.  This is where we are supposed to be, and no it won't be easier per say.....Ministry is NEVER easy, but it does have a lot of perks.

John and Zech drove across Canada.  It was to be a father-son bonding time.  I think it is a trip that they will never forget.  It truly was a male bonding trip which is never complete without a belching contest (you should ask them how that turned out....not the way that is was supposed too..lol). I know that even though it was a hard, long trip for John, it truly was a time for those two to bond and spend some special one on one time.  They had a lot of talks (which I knew they would as they both like to talk).

Gigi, Jude and I headed up to the farm and my sister's.  We had a couple of days to spend with them and see a few people before we flew out.  I could not imagine driving across the country with the younger two....hence why we flew.  It wasn't enough time though and we didn't get a chance to say our goodbye's to everyone. 

When we arrived in Toronto, some good friends of ours picked me and the younger ones up and drove us out to Kingston.  Zech and John had spent a night at their place and went on ahead of us.  We arrived at our new place to find a whole team of amazing people here to help us unload.  We were blown away.  We had expected to be up until the wee hours unloading and it was done in a couple.  We were blessed with food, flowers, gift cards, supper.  I was so overwhelmed! What a welcome! It is mind boggling to be at a place where they truly want you there and are excited that you are there. 

Something I also prayed really hard for when we found out that we were moving was for great neighbours.  God has blessed us! We ended up getting a place that was far bigger than what we were looking for (another total God thing) and we have become good friends with our next door neighbours.  They have three kids who are very close in age to our three.  Every day they look for each other, and are quite obsessed with one another.  I ensured them that my kids have been around other kids before! April and I have totally hit it off and have had some good jogs, great dessert night and I am sure there will be many more.  John and Steve can talk metal!  We have been blessed.

It seems that when we change things up in the Gooch household, we go all out! Another huge change is the fact that I am home schooling Zech and Gigi.  I have always wanted to and have always thought about it....but didn't expect to start so soon.  So far things have been going really good.  No, I am not saying that we have not had our 'days', however for the most part we have been doing pretty darn good.  It is a lot different to home school here versus Alberta, however I have connected with a couple of groups and we met an amazing family in particular that we do something with every single week (our kids are the exact same ages).  I am noticing an amazing difference in the dynamic of our family and that is what I wanted.  I notice a huge difference in Zech and his behaviour and attitude.  This is a great, but very difficult journey, one that we will just take a year at a time and rely on God to lead and direct us.  I do love that it gives us stability, as being in Ministry you never know where God will take you.

That is all for now.....this is the condensed version.  We do love Kingston, it is a very pretty little city with so much character, history and charm.  We love to explore and there is so much to explore here! We also love visitors, so if you ever come this way, look us up and stop in!

Genesis at 4 years

As I was backing up some photos this past week, I came across some old videos and pictures of when my Princess was just a year old.  It was so sweet! She was so tiny and full of life and really she hasn't changed much (except for the tiny part).  I can not believe she is 4 years old.  Where did these 4 years go.  I honestly feel like my time with her, my time to watch and enjoy her grow has been a blur.  She just changed and grew so stinkin fast.  I know I will say this every year, but it's true! :o)

I have been trying to  think of ways in which I can record memories, milestones because I such at it lately.  I think I wrote letters a couple years on their birthdays.  Everything is such a blur, but I really want to preserve memories! It is so frustrating to never have enough time in the day.  Blogging has saved my butt quite a bit because I did write some little updates and I never recorded them anywhere else.  I also lost some pictures (yes I bawled my eyes out) of Gigi when she was first born.  Thankfully I did post a few on my blog and that is all I have.  So I decided that I am going to do what I can, and I like the letter writing....so here I go.

Dear Genesis,

Perhaps my line to start everyone of your letters will be:  I can't believe you are 4 years old!!!  It has been quite a year and you have grown and changed so much.  I will have to admit though, I am really glad that we are past the 'three year' mark.  That seemed to be your year of giving us a little run for our money.  None the less, you are an amazing little girl! :o)

You are such a kind, loving, and giving little girl.  You love to share.  You don't even think twice about sharing your treats with the whole family and making sure that everyone got to partake.  I also love how caring and nurturing you are with your little brother.  You truly look after him and are such a little 'mother' to him.  I found myself quite frequently reminding you that I am actually the mother, not you!  I cherish how much you help out and are so eager too.

This year you have another bought of bad asthma/pneumonia.  You seem to get the bronchial infections more readily than your brothers.  You spent a night in the hospital yet again and of course gave us more gray hair! You also got the chicken pox.  I have to say that you handled it quite well and hey, we are all done with them now.

We love that you are so affectionate, that you love to hug, kiss, have cuddles! You give compliments generously and not only do you love to be showered with affection, but you love to shower others with affection.  You have such an amazingly sweet personality!

You are also so grateful.  I was just commenting to your Daddy how thankful you were for your birthday gifts, your special supper and cupcakes.  You just couldn't stop thanking us.  I felt convicted as I realized that I am not thankful enough and need to change that.  You inspire me, us, to do better, to be more thankful, even for the little things!

We put you in swimming lessons and soccer this year.  You loved your swimming lessons and improved dramatically.  You have no fear and you are so determined.  We know that will take you far.  You can't wait to take more lessons and on our family swim night, we could not believe how comfortable you were.  Our little fish!  Soccer is also a highlight of the week for you.  We didn't know how you would make out as you are a little 'shy'.  Your first game blew us away! You were the star and your were so aggressive.  We saw this competitive, confident side of you that we had never seen before.  All we hope and pray for Gigi, is that you will have FUN! Whatever sport, activity, etc., that you decide to pursue we want you to have fun, fun, fun.  Our motto is to give it your all and use the ability that God has blessed you with, never give up and have so much fun, really truly enjoy it!

Fashionista is a word that really describes you.  I love that I have a shopping partner.  You must change your clothes at least 10 times a day.  We finally had to put a rule in place to stop you.  The outfits that you pick out and piece together are really quite good.  You have an eye for fashion.  You also have a thing for shoes.  SCARY!! Thankfully we scored some amazing deals this year to feed that fetish!  I truly look forward to many mother/daughter dates shopping and trying on clothes.  I also love that you are starting to pick up on what dressing modestly and sensibly means.

Of course the highlight of this year was when you accepted Jesus into your heart.  Wow, such an amazing moment for you and for us as your parents to witness!! I pray for you dear Gigi, your father prays for you, every-single-night.  I pray that you will have faith 100 times more than what I do.  I pray that your desire to love, learn and follow Jesus will only grow and strengthen as you get older.  You memorized all of the Bible verses with your brother, you know the Lord's prayer, you pray for other's and have such an amazing heart for the poor.  I loved listening to you say 'grace' today at your party.  You prayed so confidently and purely.  You blessed your friends and family.  I also love that when your brother is having a bad day, you will just stop and pray for him.  Melts my heart. We know that God has an amazing plan for you and that you will do amazing things for his Kingdom!

Our dear Gigi, we love you and pray for you and we are truly honoured to be your parents. It is such a gift, a privileged to watch you grow and see you become the little girl that Jesus wants you to be!


Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Missing my Dad...

It has been 7 years since my Dad passed away.  The day came and went and I kind of forgot! I don't usually forget the date (it was my original due date for Genesis too).  It has been a busy week and busy time...maybe that's why I forgot.  I felt really sad and almost grieved today as I was backing up some photos and looking back.  John asked me if I felt that I had properly grieved the loss of my Dad, but how do you properly grieve.  I mean looking back I guess I felt I had to be strong and I was also fighting to keep my baby alive, so it was a weird roller coaster of emotions. Maybe I didn't grieve properly? Maybe it is ok to look back, reminisce and grieve a little, even 7 years later?

I know that my final moments with him were a gift from God.  Something that I will forever cherish.  He said goodbye to me, clear as day, when he never should have (he was basically unresponsive).  I will never forget John and I praying for him, praying over him and as we finished I walked up to him kissed him and said goodbye.  To our astonishment he said goodbye back.  That was such a God moment!

I felt particularly grieved today though, because I have three beautiful kids that will never get to meet him (we talked a bit about him today too---they ask all sorts of questions).  He loved kids and he was amazing with them.  I know that he would have been an amazing Grandpa and that they would have adored him.  I also know that they have some of his genes.  :o)

I really do Miss You Dad!

Hearts for the Poor.

A couple nights a week I face the supper, homework, Bible reading, Scripture Memorization, Prayer Time and Cuddle time alone, without my hubby.  It is so much easier when we do it as a team, when we are able to partner up and corral them together. 

I have found that the nights when John is away, I have the most break downs.  I am not just talking about the fall on the floor and cry a little because they have to go to bed, or they didn't want to read 'that' story, or somebody wants to say their bible verses first, I am talking about all out melt down, on an epic level, leaving me no choice but to fall on my knees and earnestly pray and seek wisdom from God, right their in that very moment.  I get the most complicated, difficult theological questions, frustrations, laments, breakdowns when John is not around (usually from my oldest).  I usually rely on John to answer those 'hard' questions....not because I don't know them, but because he knows them and is far better at communicating them than I am.  Plus, for many years now when I find myself having those hard questions, being frustrated, etc., I go to John and he just whips out scripture and bam it is all clear and makes sense and I feel stupid because I probably could have just went to God and His Word first, but didn't.  I guess I rely on John a little too much when it comes to 'studying to show myself approved'.  Perhaps this is God's way of teaching me to be confident in sharing the gospel to my kids.

However, there are those nights too when I have some of the funniest, sincerest conversations with the kids.  Tonight was one of those nights and I really thank God for the burden he lays on my kids hearts for the poor.  This is how our conversation went:

Me: Zech, could you please put your crayons and drawings away because it is supper time now.

Zech: Ok, Mom, but I just need to finish up this last picture.  It's for the poor kids you know.

Me: That is great my dear, you can finish up after supper.

Zech:  On June 8th, Mom, that is when it is going to happen.

Me: On June 8th, what will happen?

Zech:  We are going to get in our car and go get all the poor people and bring them here to live with us.

Me:  We will need a pretty big car and house.

Zech: God will help us.

(I can't argue with that)

A couple hours later.......

Me:  Zech, can you stop colouring and finish your prayers.  You are talking to Jesus.

Zech:  Yes, but I have to finish this drawing.  It is for the poor. I will sell it and give the money to the poor and to Jesus too....

Mom, why don't all of the Christians want to help the poor?  It's not fair that we help some of the poor, because the ones that don't get help will feel bad and sad.  We need to help them all.

Me:  Well, we will do as much as we can, but we also have to pray that Jesus will lay it on other people's hearts to help them too.  There are a lot of poor to fit in our car and our house. :o)

Zech:  Yeah, I will keep drawing and I will pray.  On June 8th Mom, we can go and get them. 

(I have no idea why he picked June 8th, by the way)


He totally cracks me up! I love that such issues seem so simple to him, because it reminds me to have faith like him.  It reminds me "that all things are possible with God".  It is exciting to see how God is going to use him. 

Oh my neglected little blog...

I wish I had more time,
I wish I didn't always feel so tired,
I wish that I could write the blog posts that go through my head (they seem really good),
I wish that this blog of mine was a reflection of what I really want it to be,
I wish that I could read, follow and post comments on other blogs and interact with other bloggers again more (forgive me please),
I wish that this blog was not so NEGLECTED.

It is neglected, and I just don't have the time or energy to do anything about it.   Hopefully soon I can catch up, but for now I ask for forgiveness, for blogging forgiveness.

I do have some pictures, posts and of course updates (remember that word of mine---'opportunity') to put on here.  Mainly for my own personal record, but who knows maybe somebody will get something out of it too! :o)

Hope you all had a wonderful, blessed Easter.  We did and have some pictures to share too.

We survived!

Wow, what a few weeks we have had and I am so happy to report that it is over and that we survived!! Please dear Lord, help us to never have to go through this again?!?!

Talk about emotional roller coasters.....celebrating 8 years, to wondering whether or not we were losing our baby!

We had a great time celebrating our anniversary even though John worked late.  I love hanging out with my best friend in the whole wide world.  We have had some incredible talks, prayers, laughs, lately! God has blessed me so incredibly much with this amazing man I call my hubby!

So Wednesday was a bit of a blur.  We were tired from staying up too late the night before (totally worth it).  The older two kids had swimming lessons bright and early and then I had to rush to work.  Jude woke up with this rash on his face and torso, but we said that we would really watch it before we took him in.  We did, and it progressed.  After John dropped me off, he took Jude to the doctor.  The doctor diagnosed it as an allergic reaction to the Penicillin he was on and after checking his ears to see if there was still an infection lingering, promptly told us to stop the antibiotics.  He then gave a prescription for a steroid and some antihistamines.   That was day one.....

By Thursday (day two), things were not getting any better.  We had a horrible night on Wednesday and we got desperate and went back to the Pharmacist to see if we could give him Benadryl too and what the acceptable dosage was.  Thursday night was horrible and he just cried and cried.  He could not sleep, not settle and just wanted to be right on top of me.  I barely had any sleep.

I went to work on Friday and he looked horrible!  John went to our Homeopath to see what they could suggest and they gave him a cleanse for his liver.  John brought the kids home and put Jude down and tried to catch a nap himself.  All of a sudden, Jude woke up screaming! John went to him and could not console him.  He then gave him a bath, as he would not stop scratching.  John brought him out of the bath and his skin turned this bluish/purple hue and Jude was shaking uncontrollably and would not stop screaming.

Long story short, I left work and we rushed him into the hospital.  We thought we were losing him.  He wouldn't stop shaking, his skin was a blue hue and he was so tired he would kind of go in and out of consciousness.

When we finally get to the hospital, he was more alert, but he was in a lot of pain and would not stop scratching.  So we get him admitted and then we wait, and we wait.  We waited 5 hours with a screaming, child who looked horrible, so horrible that a lot of people would not stop staring.  John went up and started asking questions.  Why is it that when you question how long it is taking, you are suddenly the bad guy?  You know, like somehow waiting for 5 hours is acceptable and should be acceptable with a screaming, inconsolable child.  We finally got them to give him some more Benadryl (which did absolutely nothing), but we could not stop him from scratching and crying and bleeding from scratching so much.

We finally get in to see the doctor and they diagnosed him with Erythema Multiforme (say what?).  Apparently it is common, but they don't know the cause (it could be an allergic reaction to the atibiotics or a reaction to a cold virus) and there is nothing they can do for it. The antihistamines didn't work as it wasn't an antihistamine reaction.  It also takes 7 to 10 days to pass and it may disappear and then come back again.  So home we went with a name, but nothing to help our poor little Jude.

We did a whole bunch of research on the net about it.  Found some natural ways we could deal with the itchiness and kept pumping him full of the homeopathic cleanse.  We had no sleep that night either.  This rash apparently can either be mildly itchy, or in his case extremely itchy.  It also causes the skin to tighten (hence the reason he was in so much pain) and it also affects the circulation.  His skin would feel like it was on fire, but he would be shaking because he was so cold.  The blueish/purplish hue was due to the lack of circulation and seemed to occur when he got out of the bath tub, or when we stripped him down. 

We got on our knees and boy did we pray.  I looked at John at one point and cried that I could not do this for another 7 days!! We were exhausted and there is nothing more painful and heart wrenching than seeing your child in agony and knowing that you can't do a thing about it.  Ahhh!

We had quite a few people praying alongside us and Saturday morning we saw some relief.  It had cleared up quite a bit on his torso, but his poor little legs looked like sausages.  They were so swollen, tight and itchy.  We also bought some aloe vera and that really seemed to help.  Plus we kept the homeopathic cleanse up, and we were on our knees in desperation, praying!

Sunday, was remarkable.  It was almost like we could see the rash disappearing.  The rash was moving down his body.  He was still itchy and his little calves and feet were super swollen, tight and hot, but his face and torso were completely clear.  Our little Jude was coming back, and that evening he was ready for action..... 

Monday I went into work and he had almost completely cleared up (just the feet were swollen).   Tuesday I had off and he was clear, but still super fussy and cranky.  We have found that over these past few days since last Wednesday he has had a few bouts of 'hives' and itchiness come and go.  Finally last night we had a pretty decent sleep.  We have been racking our brain trying to figure out if he is allergic to something, or if it is still part of this cold virus.  This cold virus is a nasty one and it has been reported that it can take up to 6 weeks to get rid of.  During this time I also fell sick again because I am so run down with my lack of sleep.

We survived though, and I guess it has made us stronger! ;o)  It has been a horrible, horrible almost 6 months of illness in this household and we just need a break.  Thanks to all of our friends and family who kept us in prayer.  Thanks for the cookies, meals, and words of encouragement from some pretty amazing people!!  Praise God that it cleared a lot sooner than we thought!!