Last week was one of those weeks where I felt like the walls were caving in, there weren't enough hours in the day, my sleep was deprived (big time), I was impatient and ill-tempered and I just wasn't being the person, the wife, the mother that I know I need to be.
I love being at home with my kids! I feel so blessed to have this time with them. It is also the hardest job I have ever done, but it is the most rewarding job and the job that I really, truly desire to be my best at. I don't want to make mistakes, I want to be a Super Mom in the eyes of my kids, but most importantly I want my kids to know how much God loves them and how much I love them ALL THE TIME--UNCONDITIONALLY!!
So last week as I was trying to get some important work related projects completed, I was reminded of what was truly important. I was stressed, short tempered and finally snapped at Zech to' just go play by himself and read a book or something', so that I could finish what I needed to get done. Zech turned away from me rather hurt and rejected and went to the living room and pulled out his favourite book from the basket of books. He sat down and started to leaf through the pages of the Bible (yes that is the book that he loves the most and will sit and read all the time). Suddenly he looked up and said "Mommy do you Love God?". That hit me and it hit me hard. My heart felt sorrowful for the way I snapped at him, for my selfish desire to put such un-godly things before my family, before my little boy who just wanted some attention. Well he got my attention and so did God!
I didn't finish what I needed to and I am ok with that. I had an amazing time talking to my little boy about my love for God and most importantly God's love for him, for His Creation, for all of us, each and every one of us even when we turn our backs on Him and live in sin. This is a moment that I will cherish for a very long time and it is a moment that I hope will have an impact on my little boy. These are moments that money, power, prestige, title can not buy. These are the moments that I could have missed out on if I had chose the worldly ideals of what being a 'successful' mom, wife, person, is. God is amazing and provides incredible wake up calls during times when we really need, when I REALLY NEED them.
I am humbled and grateful for this stab to my heart, for this reality check, for this time to reflect on what my most important job is at this stage in my life. I am also reminded of how much I do love God and need to make more of a conscious effort to show that, and live it, especially for the sake of my children. I am a sinner and I am broken, but Jesus forgives me and washes all of my sins away and the grace and mercy he offers me is beyond anything I can put into words! I did apologize to Zech (and to God) for my inappropriate behaviour and will probably have to apologize many more times throughout my years as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and child of God. To conclude, I have to ask just like my little boy did---do you love God?
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing, V! It really is challenging to find time for everything, to do all that needs to get done, and stay focused on God. Sometimes children are just the most amazing reminder of God's love and grace.
This morning at my Moms & Tots group I was reminded that God has Samuel's best in mind and that best includes me as his mother. He knew that all my little quirks, shortcomings, idiosyncracies are best for Samuel and I am the best for raising him. I was also reminded that God is weaving Samuel's life together right now, too. Where we are, what we're doing, what each day looks like is not only my life's story but it's Samuel's, too, and there's a reason and purpose for his life being a part of ours. Hearing that totally took off the pressure of needing to feel like supermom and gave me a breath of air.
some times they say things that just cut right to the heart and we realize how much they are here to teach us too. what a powerful reminder, hey?
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