Second Time Around....

I can't sleep, which seems to be the norm lately. I am exhausted and go to bed early, only to find myself tossing and turning and not able to get comfortable. Does this mean something?? I hope so!!

On my mind lately has been the question of how I would do things differently the second time around. During my sleepless nights, I have rambled on about this with my poor, dear husband who either falls asleep on me as I ramble on, or tells me not to worry and apologizes that he is just to tired to stay awake--I should be the one apologizing to him!

Another question that has kept me up is how on earth do I know or will I know if I am in labour? So I have been reading, and re-reading and pondering and asking friends and family. I guess I feel a little more prepared.....

Back to how I would do things differently I compiled a mental list that I will share and then I can look back on it and see how out to lunch I was or how accurate I was! :o)

1.) I am not stressing about how this baby makes it's arrival. It is in God's hands and if I can go through with the VBAC I will, but if it has to be another C-section, so be it. This was a huge thing for me to deal with when I had to have an emergency C-section with Zech. I was so prepared for the natural birth that after the c-section I found it really hard to bond and even come to terms that I had to have a c-section. It was nobody's fault, we were losing him and I wasn't even in full blown labour, but I still felt really jipped. It is hard to explain, unless you have been there, but of course in the end we were just blessed that our little man was here, safe and sound and that we did not lose him. Nothing worse than being monitored and hearing your child's heart beat decrease and keep decreasing! So I just keep praying about it and ask God for His Will to be done and to give me peace with whatever happens.

2.) Breast feeding is another huge thing on my mind. I breast fed (sort of) with Zech for 6 months. That was a miracle in itself as medically I could not breastfeed. The first two weeks were horrible, not only was I recovering from surgury, but I had a child who wanted to be fed 24/7 it seemed. Finally after an exhausting stint for 5 hours in the wee hours of the morning, I broke down and could not do it anymore. We finally got in the car and bought some formula. Zech was starving, literally he was starving as I didn't have enough milk! He drank so much formula and actually slept, it was another miracle. So after having the nurses come out, and all sorts of people giving me advice, I got in with the best lactation consultant here in Edmonton and she ran a series of tests on me. In the end, I was not producing enough of the Lactaid hormone and would never be able to fully breastfeed Zech. I still breastfed him, but he had to be supplemented after every feeding. It was really difficult because so many people were constantly giving me their opinions and said that Zech would be confused going from breast to bottle, but he never was and the lactation consultant said that that is just a myth. Then you get the comments like "whoever doesn't breastfeed is committing child abuse"! If these people only knew! This time around, I am not going to stress, if it happens great, if not I now know what to do.

3.) Enjoy the newborn phase! I really want to make a conscious effort to enjoy the newborn phase. With Zech due to all of the problems we had and all of his health concerns, I don't really remember the first three months of his life and have very few pictures to even document it. It is quite sad, but it was a difficult time and we were just trying to get through. So hopefully this time around, I can get lots of pictures and relax and enjoy the new baby phase!

4.) Not co-sleep! After the c-section the nurses and doctors acutally recommended that we sleep with Zech in our bed. It was alright because I could hardly move, but I really don't think I would ever do it again. This time the baby's bed will be in our room for the first little bit, and then into the nursery. Just a personal preference and something that we both feel more comfortable with (we'll see how we make out with this).

5.) Get a scheduled routine going as early as possible. Again with Zech, due to all of the health issues, that was not even a concern or an option. Just getting through each day was enough, but hopefully with number 2 we can set up a schedule right away and that will make it so much easier for me and even for Zech. (we hope)!

6.) Not get so stressed and worry so much! I really want to be a good Christian parent to my kids. Parenting is definitely the most stressful job in the whole wide world, but also the most rewarding. It is the one job where I really do not want to screw anything up, so yes I worry a lot. I hope that I can seek God more and just rely on His grace and mercy and provision to do the best that I possibly can.


That is what I have come up with so far. It will be interesting to see how everything unfolds. The one thing I know the second time around is that sometimes the things that we say we are never going to do, become an essential part of our parenting (i.e. I said I would never give my kids a soother, and Zech was a junkie---but it saved us during his many hospital trips, his early teething and during our travels).